Do you believe in love?
by crayzedfangurllll
Summary: The first day he saw her, he knew she was like his sister. He could feel it in his gut. An irrational pull toward her which could only be caused by one thing. She had the golden goodness of heaven flowing through her veins; a warm, comforting golden goodness to counter his dark side. SebastianXOC
1. Chapter 1

**HIIIIIIIIIIIIII SECOND FIC ON THIS ACCOUNT!1! I just typed fuc. Woops. **

**This is a fic for Sebastian fans and if you are not a Sebastian fan you should read this anyway because I explain it all through Sebastian's eyes and it may make you realize he's just as much of a victim as Jace and Clary. **

**If it doesn't please don't post hate about him I may attack you via PM. **

**I am slightly (meaning extremely) in love with Sebastian and I am going to marry him and that is that. If you want more details read my bio. You probably don't. You probably wont read my bio.**

**Wow I'm psychic see im magical that's why you should love Sebastian too.**

Chapter 1

The first day he saw her, he knew she was like his sister. He could feel it in his gut. An irrational pull toward her which could only be caused by one thing. She had the golden goodness of heaven flowing through her veins; a warm, comforting golden goodness to counter his dark side. He was Lucifer, and she was God. It had to be. He didnt even know her, yet he wanted to walk up to her, pull her in his arms, and keep her safe there forever. When she casually pushed her shiny brown hair over one shoulder, he wanted to be up behind her to feel it tickle his shoulder through his shirt. Yes, it was irresponsible, irrational, and he knew he wasn't really drawn to _her _as a person, yet he couldnt help it. He couldnt control this overwhelming desire to want to be able to call her _his. _He had demonstrated this with Clary, but _she_ wasn't his sister, _she_ didnt know of the horrors that haunted his past and future. He had a chance to do this civilly. And he sure as hell wasn't going to fuck it up this time.

Ever since Clary and Jace had left Sebastian on his own again, he felt an increasing sense of loneliness. Yes, he had his large army of loyal shadow hunters, and Lilith, but interacting with them just didnt give him the same sense of joy Jace and Clary gave him. He couldnt make them come back; both of them hated his guts and would kill him on sight.

He had never really felt alone when he was young. He always had Valentine with him. Valentine was always there to patch up his scrapped knee, to praise him when I slaughtered an especially dangerous demon, to smile and ruffle his hair when he did something good. And now Valentine's... Gone. He never thought he would say this but he missed Valentine.

He missed him almost as much as he resented him. If it wasn't for Valentine, he could be with his remaining family, he could have a _parabatai,_ he could go on killing adventures for that damn corrupted Clave. He wouldnt be the outcast he was now.

It wasn't even his fault. Due to Valentine tainting his divine bloodline, he didnt have a conscience like most people. There was nothing inside of him to warn him that what his beloved father was teaching him was wrong. When he killed the unfortunate person who crossed paths with him, the only thing his inner voice told him was _"good job, now Father will be pleased."_ When he killed Max, brought done the wards of Idris, and slowly plunged his knife into his adopted brothers chest, he was only doing what he was taught was acceptable and would earn praise. And now, even if the Clave would ignore some glaring factors such as he has the blood of the Shadowhunter nemesis in his veins, and was raised by the Shadowhunter equivalent to Hitler, they still wouldnt take him in because he proved he is an enemy.

He heard that even Jace, Clary's golden boy boyfriend, had some issues with the Clave. Apparently he had to prove again and again which side he was on because Valentine raised him for the first ten years of his life. Sebastian was with Valentine for 16 years, and had proved that he only wanted the Clave's downfall. In a sense, it wasnt even his fault, but Valentine's.

Yes, he still thought the Clave was corrupted, but if following them meant he would be accepted by his kind, putting aside his issues with them would be worth it.

Yes, he, the son of the greatest enemy the Clave had ever faced in their own ranks, the emotionless killing-machine, Sebastian Morgenstern, was lonely.

Lonely and damn jealous.

Jealous of Shadowhunters who worked for the exact government he wants to overthrow.

He missed human company. His army and the occasional girls he brought home just didnt cut it. As much as he hated to do it, he didnt know what else to do. He asked Lilith about it.

"Sebastian, you soft-hearted fool. I would think my blood would prevent these frivolous emotions and desires," she responded crossly when he brought it up.

"Remember, I _am _a Shadowhunter still. I still have some angel blood in me. I'm not _completely _a demon," he good-naturedly reminded her. She would have none of it though. Lilith huffed angrily and looked away.

"You stay away from those damn Shadowhunters, you hear me? Unless you are killing them, that is."

Sebastian smiled faintly. "Lilith, you sound like a prejudice grandma."

She whipped her head around to glare at him. "_What?" _she demanded, her voice and eyes menacing.

Sebastian's smile broadened. He wasn't one to be intimidated easily, and he had spent enough time around her to know that she was easily enraged, but normally didnt do anything about it but glare and snarl. "Oh, nothing," he said cheerfully.

At this point Lilith would have very much liked to wipe that smile off his face with a well aimed kick, but resisted the urge. Fighting with her toy wouldnt get her anywhere. "That's right," she grumbled. Oh how fun it would be to grab him and slowly peel all of the skin off his body and eat it. But, she wouldnt, because he was practically her child, and if she killed him he wouldnt be around anymore.

Sebastian laughed lightly. "The Shadowhunters and I arent exactly best buddies, so you really dont have to worry about me hanging around them."

Lilith seemed satisfied enough with this. "Good. Emotions and longings running wild isnt good because you eventually will succumb to them," Sebastian cringed inside, thinking about his little _incident_ with Clary. Lilith didnt know about his attempted-rape, yet she could never have been so spot on. Lilith didnt seem to notice the change in the social tension and continued without pause, "so to keep your loneliness at bay I suggest trying out the mundane high school in town."

Sebastian's inside worries were quickly forgotten. He was _very _taken aback, to say the least. "A _mundane _highschool? Lilith, is this a joke?"

Lilith's face was serious. "I know it may seem unappealing and degrading, but its a good way to get healthy human interaction, and no one there would want to kill you. You could hide your marks with glamour, and it also could be a good strategy to stay hidden until you can regather your forces and lay another attack on the Clave. The last place they would look for you would be there."

Damn, she had a point. Maybe it would be worth a shot.

So here he was, first day of school, glamour runes applied, doing his best to blend in, and he sees _her._ He sure as hell was going to get some human interaction now, because he was Sebastian Morgenstern. He got what he wanted, and right now what he wanted was _her. _

He didnt even know her name, but he was going to find out. He put a few persuasion runes on the inside of his left arm in the bathroom, and left for the office. Within a matter of minutes he had three classes with her.

Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all.

**Yay! I already have chapter two written how fast I post it depends on how many follows this gets. Based on past experience it will get two if im lucky.**

**BUT JUST BECAUSE IM UNPOPULAR DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULDN'T LOVE ME YOU SHOULD LOVE ME ITS UNPOPULAR YOULL BE HIPSTER. Yeahhh love me and be hipster. If you love me you're a hipster. Yeahhhhhh. Hipsterrrrr.**

**Okay ill stop now. **


	2. Chapter 2

**I wanted to post Friday since last time I posted it was Friday so I could do that once a week thing and stay on schedule and stuff but unfortunately Friday right after school I had to go to my horse and then I had to go to my school musical because we had tickets for it and then I went to sleep at 8 because it was Friday and I was exhausted. **

**And I'm only posting now because I was on the toilet thinking and then I suddenly remembered this and I was like oh shit I didn't post yesterday.**

**But next week I will post on Friday. I wont forget.**

**Also, and thoughts, comments, critism on the cover pic I would be very grateful for. I drew it myself because I couldn't find anything I liked online and steal it. My camera sucks and I forgot to turn off the flash and theres like smudge marks everywhere and that's why it doesn't look so shmancy. **

Chapter 2

Adalyn Ayres walked into her first period class, English, only to realize she didnt know a soul there. And the teacher, Ms. Pendalton, was letting them pick their seats.

_"Choose carefully," _the board at the front of the room said in large loopy handwritting, _"you will be sitting there for the rest of the year." _Ms. Pendalton herself was sitting behind her desk in a leather swivel chair. She was a large brunette lady with graying hair tied on her head in a plastic clip. She looked nice enough, but to Adalyn, she seemed like the devil himself.

After much awkward standing at the front of the room, she chose a seat across from a quiet-looking girl with thick blonde hair chopped short into a bob. Quiet girls were always the safest because the chances of them being bitchy is slim. Besides, Adalyn was quiet herself. She was more of a thinker then a talker.

Right before the bell rang one last person ran in. The only spot open was the seat next to her, and he hurried to it.

And he was attractive.

_Damn, _she thought to herself, _attractive guys are always assholes, and I'll be stuck next to him all year too!_

But a voice at the back of her head which she would never let come forward rejoiced. There was something memorizing about his hair so fair it seemed white, and his dark endless-seeming eyes. _Such an odd combination._

As much as she tried to not notice him, her eyes were drawn to watching the way his muscles moved under his thin t-shirt as he pulled out his stuff from his backpack.

She knew that she needed to tear her eyes away, but she was enthralled. _Just a few more seconds_, she promised herself.

Unfortunately those were a few more seconds to long because out of the corner of his eye he say her staring. He slide his gaze over to meet hers, and grinned knowingly. Adalyn blushed a deep red and quickly turned toward the teacher, who was going over the boring-ass syllabus.

"So basically, read this, have you're parents read this, all sign it and turn it in tomorrow," Ms. Pendalton finished. Adalyn let out a sigh of relief. She was finally done, not that she was listening for the most part of it.

"And now, since the person you are sitting next to will be the person you sit next to all year, I would like you to spend the next ten minutes or so getting acquainted with your table partner."

Adalyn now really hated Ms. Pendalton.

She turned to her new table mate for a second, blushed remembering him catching her staring and quickly turned toward the front again. This was going to be a long year.

It took Sebastian some time to figure out his schedule, and because of it was almost late to first period.

It seems fate was on his side, because when he came in the only seat not taken up was the one next to _her._ She was fiddling with the zipper on her pencil case; a turquoise plastic mechanical pencil sat on her desk. His own pencil he had Amatis go out and buy for him was black, _like my soul_, he thought with dry humor.

Not wanting to make a scene he hurried to his desk and listened to the teacher go over the boring, what he assumed was proccedures, of the first day of school. _"Welcome back, my name is Ms. Pendalton. We are going to have a great year!" _Blah, blah, blah. If he wasn't pretending to be a mundane he would have killed her right there for wasting his time.

But he _was_ pretending to be a mundane. And he didnt want to scare _her _off. She was his only chance at a normal relationship. And he was going to be civil for her. He wasn't going to repeat his same mistakes with Clary.

It definitely was going to be a challenge.

When he was pulling his stuff out of his backpack, in his peripheral vision he saw her staring at him. He slid his eyes over to her and grinned. She blushed deeply and his heart did little flip flops.

Yes, he, Sebastian Morgenstern, contained a part of of him that could flip flop. Sebastian, frankly, was quite surprised that to find he even _had_ a heart, let alone that it could such complicated acrobatics like that. It was almost as talented as him.

_Almost. _This new-found powerful emotion shouldn't get to over-confident. Sebastian was going to need to keep it in its place. He spent the next few minutes ignoring his desk partner.

That is, until this witch of a teacher decided that, since "the person you are sitting next to will be the person you sit next to all year, I would like you to spend the next ten minutes or so getting acquainted with your table partner."

He knew then it was a lost cause and gave up.

_Shit, I'm going to have to talk to him._ This was one of Adalyn's first thoughts after hearing the announcement.

He turned to face her and held his hand out. "Hi, I'm Sebastian."

She stared stupidly at his hand for a moment before realizing that he wanted to shake her hand, not hold it, and that is a perfectly acceptable way to greet someone. It was a little formal for highschool, but for him seemed normal. He had an air of sophistication to him that made her think he wasn't going to be like a typical immature highschool boy.

She clumsily grabbed his hand and gave it a little shake. "Um, hi, I'm, uh, Adalyn," she said, tripping over her words. Damn, if only she wasn't so _awkward. _She felt her cheeks get pink.

It wasn't just with guys she was like that, or even just the cute ones. For some reason she just lacked the gracefulness gene that most people got a least a _little _of. For her, it seemed it forgot about her completely.

He smiled faintly "So, uh, we're supposed to get to know each other now, unless you just want to sit for ten minutes," he said, and she could feel he felt a little awkward too.

She _really _hated Ms. Pendalton.

She smiled back. "Yeah, um," she self- consciously ran her hand through her hair to get it away from her face, even though it wasn't really in it. "I really like icecream," she blurted out to break the uncomfortable silence, and felt herself blush again.

Why did she _say _that?! She doesnt even really like icecream that much! Yeah, it was good, but she preferred brownies. Now he was going to think she was like a pig or something.

He raised his eyebrows, fascinated, or maybe he was just faking it. "Really?" he asked, although he didnt say it like a question.

"I mean, I dont like it _that _much, but its pretty good. I like brownies more," she admitted, but then remembered she didnt want to seem like a pig and quickly added, "and salad."

"Brownies and salad?"

"Yeah." She noticed his lips twitch, fighting back a smile. "Hey! You're making fun of me!"

He tried to deadpan as response, but failed and burst out laughing into his hand instead.

Wow, now she really felt like shit. And he positively was crimson. "Um, let's go back to sitting and staring into space."

She hoped that would end the embarrassing conversation, but he wouldnt have that.

"If I recall, you were staring at something else besides space earlier." He smiled teasingly.

She felt her whole face go bright red, and she quickly turned to the front, pretending like she didnt hear him. She heard him laugh besides her, but she ignored it.

He put one hand on her shoulder and turned her toward him. He wasn't laughing now. "Hey, I was just kidding. I didnt mean to embarrass you. I know I'm simply _stunning,_" he smiled now, "and I can't blame you for staring. To tell you the truth I was watching you too, I'm just more discreet about."

She smiled back at him through her blush. Maybe he won't be such an ass.

**Yay! Don't forget to review I love reading them and if you do review I will love you too. If you review a lot I will love you so much I will tell you and it will be really creepy. **


	3. Chapter 3

**The past like all chapters have been fillers (I know, boring) but I'm working with a brand new character and a brand new relationship not introduced by Cassandra Clare so I have to build things up so everything doesnt seem so sudden. But next chapter I PROMISE will be more interesting because I HAVE A PLAN! **

**Speaking of Cassandra Clare I just realized I completely forgot to do the disclaimer. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own TMI. No need to sue me. I promise.**

Chapter 3

Turns out Adalyn also had French and Science with Sebastian. She had friends in both classes but whenever she caught his eye he would flash a smile at her. She assumed that he was new to the school because she had never seen him before this year and neither had any of her friends.

He seemed to be picking up friends fast. In science he sat next to this bitchy guy from the popular crowd named Cameron and they seemed to click. She hoped he wouldnt rub off on him. She still had to sit next to him in English and could make her life a living hell if he decided that he didnt like her.

Last year she sat next to this girl named Gigi in History and Adalyn did something that pissed her off or something because Gigi hated her guts. She did everything in her power to make Adalyn fail the class and have no friends. She would go on Adalyn's computer and change her documents to make her get a bad grade. She would start rumors about her. Over all she was just a sarcastic bitch to her and went out of her way to be rude.

It would suck ass if Cameron rubbed off on Sebastian and he decided she was a loser who didnt deserve his courtesy. Especially since, from what she'd seen, she really liked Sebastian.

"That guy from science is staring at you," my friend Ericka whispered to Adalyn at lunch. She turned around in her seat and, sure enough, there was Sebastian, standing with his newfound group of asshole friends, looking directly at her.

Most people, when caught staring, look away. Sebastian, however, cocked a smile at Adalyn. After telling something to Cameron, he started toward her table with a purposeful walk.

"Why's he coming over here?" Adalyn asked Ericka.

Ericka shrugged. "To talk to you, I would assume."

Both girls quickly changed conversation topics to something harmless and pretended not to notice Sebastian walking their way.

_Here he comes,_ Adalyn thought to herself. She mentally braced herself.

Sebastian got closer and closer. The sun lit up the side of his chiseled face and incredibly fair hair. His black eyes stood out more on his face than usual. He kept on an arrogant smile as if sharing an inside joke with her.

_He's going to stop and talk to me. _He was, right? He was really nice to her in english, even through her usual awkward outbursts, and was staring at her just a few moments ago. He must like her. _He's going to stop and make conversation with us and I'm going to do something embarrassing. _

He didnt stop. He walked right past her table, without a second glance. She so thought he was, and it seemed like he was, but when he got to her table, he walked straight past her. His arm brushed her back as he passed by.

Adalyn felt stupid. He was just going to the cafeteria to buy food. He wasn't going to start up conversation with her.

A few minutes later later he came strutting back, only this time with a cookie secured in his left hand. Adalyn glanced over, or at least it was supposed to only be a glance, however he saw it captured her gaze in his soulless eyes. As much as she tried to tear away, she couldn't. He held her attention hostage.

He gave her a knowing grin when he got to her table and let a finger trail along her back as he brushed past her again.

He knew exactly what he was doing to her, and he wasn't going to stop or apologize. He might have acted gentlemanly in English, but she could tell he wasn't. He gave off a horribly menacing vibe. There was something about the self-assurance in the step of his walk, the tilt of his shoulders, that gave her the feeling that if he wanted to, he could take the very existance of anyone he met and snap it like a twig between his pale fingers.

Yet for some reason she was strangely fascinated.

He was staring at her at lunch. He knew he was, and his gaze on her could be interpreted as both creepy and perverted, but he didnt care. She was just so _fascinating._ The burning desire in his blood to grab her by the hand, drive her home, lead her to his bedroom and hold her all night was almost too strong to resist.

_Not yet,_ he reminded himself. Because he wasn't going to fuck it up, and doing that definitely would. Someday, though, he could call her his, and could hold her until sunrise every night.

_But not yet._

He was strong; he wouldnt succumb to the burned in his blood.

Because he was Sebastian Morgenstern. He could, and would, get whatever the hell he wants, and will do whatever it takes to get what he wants. Even if it goes against is desires, it would be worth it in the long run.

She turned toward him and her soft brown eyes met his soulless, black ones. He knew he should took away, bashful that he had been caught staring, but he didn't, he couldn't. He was enraptured by her.

But she didn't have to know that. She could just think he's a cocky bastard. He grinned at her.

"I'm gonna go buy some food," he told Cameron, the guy from science who he guessed people would call his "friend." He wasn't sure though, he had never had a friend before.

"The cookie's good, but don't get the chocolate powerbar it tastes like shit," Cameron replied.

Sebastian turned and started walking toward Adalyn's table, which was conveniently placed directly in his path to the front of the cafeteria where the lunch was sold. With a purposeful walk, he started toward it, although his eyes were on his subject of interest, the brown haired girl at the table in front of him.

Should he stop and talk to her? He wanted to but didn't know what to say. Besides, she was with her friends. He kept up the cocky façade.

Was she expecting him to stop to talk? She had caught him staring. Maybe she would provide a conversation topic the way she had in English. He smiled to himself at her little outburst.

She likes brownies and salad. He would remember that. Maybe someday he would take her out on a proper date, pretend to be a gentleman for the night. It didn't exactly seem his style, but he could pretend. He was good at pretending. After all, nobody wanted to see the real him, not even himself.

He was almost to her table. The moment of choice was upon him. To stay and chat or keep moving.

He didn't want to just chat.

But he would, because he was going to be civil with her.

_Stay and chat_, he thought to himself.

And chickened out at the last moment.

_Bawk_.

He mentally punched himself in the face.

Sebastian took Cameron's advice and bought a cookie, skipping past the rolling shelf with the chocolate power bars, and waited in line to pay. The cookie was a $1.50. He took a nibble of it. It wasn't gourmet, to say the least. If this was the best the cafeteria sold, he was afraid he would get some sort of food poisoning and die if he ate the chocolate powerbar. He made a mental note in his head to avoid all school cafeteria food from now on. He didn't trust it, and the last thing he needed was to get sick.

Walking back to his group, he saw her again. He wanted to run up to her and cover her mouth with his and kiss her and kiss her and kiss her. He wanted to kiss her so damn bad. He wanted to leave her breathless as he held her in his arms.

He felt his inner demon rising up. _No, no, no, no, no._ He thought. _Patience_.

Although the demon inside of him would not be subdued so easily. He grinned at her and trailed his index finger along her back as he pasted.

He wanted to stop and grab her and spin her around to face him and yell at her. Why did she have this sort of power over him? It wasn't fair.

He knew the awakening of his inner demon was giving off menacing vibes. He couldn't control it though. He hoped it wasn't turning her off towards him.

He wished he was strong enough to control it. He wished he could just slice open the stomach of the monster inside of him and watch all of its insides fall out onto the ground below. He wished it was a vampire he could tie up and pull some Chinese water torture shit on it with holy water. He wished it was a faerie he could slowly bury in iron shavings.

But it wasn't any of those things. His inner demon was a part of him. It wasn't something physical he could slowly torture to death with his sword, as much as he wanted to.

For some reason today he was having the hardest time controlling it.

Sebastian blamed it on the cafeteria food.

Once Sebastian was out of ear shot, Ericka giggled. "Do you like him," she asked, gossip mode completely flicked on.

Adalyn didn't know. He was nice in English, and definitely attractive, and she found herself fascinated by him, but she was a good girl. She was the type of girl who would date the quiet nerdy guy in class who would take her on dates and be polite to her and have a happy relationship. She wasnt the type of girl who found the stereotypical, popular, "bad boys" who flirted around and got bad reports from teachers irresistible. She didn't search for trouble, but this guy had trouble with a capital T written all over him. Why was her gaze drawn to him across the room, why did her eyes want to follow him everywhere he went, why did she find him so interesting.

She didn't tell Ericka any of this. Instead she responded with "I don't know, I only just met him today."

Ericka pouted at her response. "Yeah, but, so far, do you like him."

Adalyn shrugged, although inside she was screaming. Screaming what, she didn't know. "I guess. He was really nice in English, and I have no complaints looks-wise. And he took my typical, first-time-meeting-someone spew of horribly awkward and embarrassing conversation pretty well."

Ericka groaned. "What was it this time?"

"Icecream, brownies, and salad."

Ericka rolled her eyes. "Adalyn, you are so retarded. Well, I guess you've had worse. Like that one in sex Ed last year with Josh Brians!" She giggled evilly at the memory and Adalyn blushed. That was something she didn't need to reminded of. She was so relieved when Josh moved that summer. The less eye witnesses there the better. Not that it really mattered, since Gigi The Bitch was sitting near by and heard the whole awkward exchange. She made sure the whole school heard about it within a week.

Ericka snapped her back to reality by talking again. "To tell you the truth, he doesnt really seem your type. He's gives me the impression that he will murder everyone in this school if someone looks at him wrong. You never striked me as the type of girl to go for that."

"Ericka, just because he was nice to me in English doesnt mean I suddenly feel an urge to fuck him now." Honestly, she loved her friend but sometimes Ericka could be a little impossible.

Ericka raised an eyebrow. "Going off the way he was staring at you, you two seem to have a closer relationship than English partners."

Adalyn internally agreed. "That's all him, not me. If you want to know more about it you'd have to ask him."

She hoped that would end the conversation, but she realized that that was a naive thought. She should know her friend better than that.

"Okay," Ericka said with a note of finality and got up and started to walk toward Sebastian.

Adalyn panicked. "Ericka, no!"

Ericka giggled at her friends distress. "I'm just kidding. Come with me to the bathroom so he doesnt know we were talking about him. His group is that way anyway." Ericka started a conversation about chicken salad for when they passed by him.

Adalyn let out a sigh of relief, although something told her that Sebastian would know the topic of her hushed conversation with her friend wasn't about something as mundane as salad, as much as he thinks she likes it. Something about him told her he wasn't going to be fooled so easily.

**So I had this finished for a while and I was all like I SHOULD POST EARLYYYYY and then I was like NO STAY ON SCHEDULE and then I forgot about it until Friday in school and I was all like FANFICTION DAY and then I went home and watched a movie and forgot about it and then saturday I watched a movie again and I watched another movie and then me and my parents went and I kind of BLAAAKDBWKFBSKDBFJWKDNIFHWKFNSKDJKE SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WIFBSKXMLAKFJEBWKDJDJS so fanfiction wasn't exactly where my mind was but then my mom was like DISHES! THEY MUST BE DONE! LAUREN I TOLD U TO DO THEM THIS MORNING WHY ARENT THEY DONE! and I was like OH NO! DISHES! THE HORROR! and my mind went to FANFICTION! MUCH BETTER THAN DISHES! so you guys are ranked higher than dishes congrats.**

**But I'm grounded from the internet so to upload it I would have to wait until my parents left the house or else they would be like WHATCHA WRITING LAUREN? PORN? I MUST READ! **

**And they never left the house Saturday. PARENTS DONT YOU REALIZE I HAVE TO UPLOAD?! **

**Lets hope not.**

**But they did leave me alone on Sunday and I was like YOOSHHHHHHH but then when I was typing these thingies I heard them coming in and I was like NOOOOOOO! **

**But then they left for the beach today and I was like YOOOOOSHHHHHHH!**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! PLZZZZZZZZZZ I WILL LOVE YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH! IF U REVIEW I WILL STALK MY PARENTS ROOM MORE FOR BACK UP DISKS FOR PASSWORDS WHICH I DONT KNOW AND TRY TURNING THE WIFI BOX ON AND OFF MORE TIMES AND MAYBE EVEN WALK TO STARBUCKS SO I CAN GET INTERNET AND UPLOAD SOONER SINCE IM LIKE ALWAYS GROUNDED!**

**I just got my internet back after a week of grounding last monday and then thursday i lost it again for two weeks im seriously considering that my parents are out to murder me by bordom by making all of these rules which i hate and then just ignore. **


	4. Chapter 4

**I know, week number two with a late update. It's not my fault though. I actually had this chapter finished on time but my parents never left EVER until today. Next chapter I'll update early, or at least I'll try my best.**

**Anyway, I would like to acknowledge Ceruleancat for being pure awesomeness and reviewing and everything else and just being awesome. So yeah, I love you Ceruleancat your like my new most favoritest person in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD! **

**I feel like I have more important things I need to say up here but I really cant remember anything.**

Chapter 4

She saw him again at the end of school. She was walking to her car when he ran to catch up with her. His legs were much longer than hers so it didn't take long before he was walking in turn with her. She was half way across the parking lot and he was just leaving the gates when he saw her. He got to her a lot faster than she could have, even with his advantage of leg length, but she pushed the thought away, not thinking much of it.

"Adalyn, wait," he said when he got to her, not even short of breath. She stopped and turned to face him. He pulled out a black ball point pen out of his pocket and reached out for her hand. She was mildly confused but gave it to him and he scribbled something on her hand. "I have something I have to be to after school so I don't have much time but I was a little confused about the science homework. Can you text me the details?"

She looked down and saw he had written a phone number on her hand in neat hand writing. She nodded before he thanked her and ran off.

Adalyn glanced down at his phone number again.

666-1155

(Writers note: I made this number up. If it happens to be yours, I am so incredibly jealous. The last four numbers is the ultimate number of all numbers, 420 + 69 + 666. Yes I stole that from tumblr.)

Sebastian was so glad Lilith demanded that he got a phone before he started school.

He pulled it out of him pocket now to look at it. It was a sleek black rectangle thing. There was a circle button on the bottom that when he pushed, the screen would light up. If he remember correctly, the people at the phone store called it an iPhone 5S.

The name had no meaning to him, although he assumed it was a pretty popular kind because Cameron and his friends had the same kind or something very similar to it.

It was expensive. He never had money issues so it didn't matter to him, but he wondered why other people would buy it. The only spectacular thing about it to him was that it was untraceable, and that only applied to his.

That, and he could contact Adalyn with it.

What he said hadn't completely been a lie. He did have something urgent he had to get to after school. He was starving and there was a taco bell less than a mile away.

His stomach wasn't sure it could last another minute. Of course, if he was in survival mode, he could comfortably last another day. Valentine had near starved him plenty of times when he was younger.

But that taco bell was so close, and he was seriously craving some Nachos.

Adalyn was sitting at the dinner table eating an afternoon snack which consisted of and apple and leftover lasagna when the eruptions started.

The garage door hummed open as her mom's car pulled in. Her mom was back home from work early. She was a nurse at the local doctor's office and usually wasn't back until around six. Her dad, however, normally was back from selling whatever it was he sold around that time. Shortly after her mom walked in, said hello, and plopped down on the sofa to watch her hospital dramas, the lock on the front door clicked, signaling that her dad was about to walk in.

Uh oh. Adalyn couldnt remember a time when her parents could have a civil conversation and didn't understand why they hadn't gotten a divorce yet. She overheard some tense conversations about filing for one about a week ago and assumed it wouldnt be long now. She hoped it would all be over with soon. She wasn't sure how much longer her sanity could take this constant yelling before it shattered to bits like glass.

Older relatives spoke of a time when her parents actually loved each other. They could stand being in the same room with each other, in fact, they enjoyed it. She didn't believe it. Anyone who had such a deep hate for another person could never have once loved them, but the older relatives said it was true. She had never seen it. According to the older relatives, the scream-battles started a little bit before she was born

Her younger sister, Brook, never knew of it either. Adalyn felt bad for her. Adalyn felt bad for herself.

Maybe that's the reason Brook turned into the slutty piece of human waste she was now. Brook was only 13 but went to school dressed like she was about to strut into a strip club, had more major boyfriends than Adalyn even had friends, and every day before school painted on about three tons of makeup.

But then again, Adalyn wasn't like that.

She blamed her sister's screw up on her parents. Maybe if they were around more, or didn't spend so much time trying to make each other's life miserable, or even paid attention to their two teenage daughters, Adalyn wouldn't have this monster that tormented her mind day in and day out, whispering in her ear how hard life was and how easy it would be to just end it. Maybe Brook wouldn't be having sex with every guy, and girl now too, at her school.

Maybe things would be better.

"Kathy! I didn't expect you to be home so early," her dad exclaimed. Adalyn could tell from his voice it wasn't a pleasant surprise.

Her mother didn't say anything, but merely gave her husband a nasty look and continued watching her show.

"Hey Adalyn, is the lasagna still good?" Her dad asked her as he passed by to the kitchen. Adalyn nodded. She didn't want to say anything that would get her in the discussion. It was bad enough hearing it. She didn't want to have any part of the eruptions. Having a part in it made quick, unnoticed escape ten times harder.

"So Kathy, did you just decide to take the rest of the day off on a whim," her dad called to her mom from the kitchen, and none to politely.

Her mother didn't look up from the TV when she blandly responded, "I lost my job."

A dish shattered in the kitchen, her father must have dropped it.

"Kathy," he said, his voice cool and collected, but Adalyn could tell that underneath he was a boiling pit of rage. "You know that we can't afford our house without you helping bring in money."

Adalyn's mother huffed testily. Adalyn knew that her mother knew that, and she also knew that her dad knew that her mom knew. She wished he wouldnt bring it up.

"Of course I know that, Steve! You think I lost my job because I wanted to?" Kathy's voice slowly grew louder the longer she spoke.

The eruptions began.

Steam hissed out of Dad the Volcano. "Well you obviously did something!"

Mom the Volcano's eruption was more sudden. Her top blew off and ash gushed out into the sky, causing everyone to choke. "NO, STEVE! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! YOU KNOW THAT IVE ALWAYS HAD A PROBLEM WITH MY BOSS! I WAS DOING EVERYTHING TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY, BUT IT JUST WASNT GOOD ENOUGH."

Lava streamed out of the sides of Mount Dad, just a portion of what was really in the boiling furnace inside. "Don't be immature and blame it on someone else, Kathy. You always do that don't you? You can't stand to admit you messed up so you push the weight of the blame on someone else's shoulders."

Adalyn wanted it to stop. She wanted to go to her room, but she wasn't done with her lasagna.

"I DO NOT! I TRY THE BEST I CAN FOR EVERYTHING BUT IT'S JUST NEVER GOOD ENOUGH, NOT FOR MY BOSS, NOT FOR YOU!" Volcano Mom began spewing out ash at a faster speed. Adalyn could tell Brook was affected by the bad air from her sour face. Adalyn was too, but she didn't show it. She was more used to tormenting feelings.

Some toxic air was flowing out of Mount Dad too. "No, Kathy, I know what your best is, and what you give isn't it. I wouldn't have married a woman who wasn't strong enough to even resist the pull of another man WHEN SHE'S MARRIED!"

Adalyn knew this eruption was going to be bad. Dad had brought up _it_. _It_ was how she was born. Brook was only her half sister, but the family usually pretended that it had never happened. _It _was the dark family secret that haunted Adalyn and her parents.

Dad did the taboo.

"STEVE, IS THIS STILL AN ISSUE? I THOUGHT WE SOLVED THIS A LONG TIME AGO?!"

Adalyn still wasnt done with her lasagna, but she left anyway. There wasn't a food in the world that could keep her down there, choking on the bad air the eruptions caused for the innocent villagers. She escaped to her room.

She curled up in a ball in her closet. Dad had brought up _it_. That she wasn't an actual member of the family. She was a mistake her mom made. She was the start of all of this arguing.

Adalyn could feel her inner demons begin to tear at her heart. She tried to keep in the overwhelming hurt in her chest, but she couldn't. Not while she could hear the eruptions going on downstairs. Each scream affected her like a shot to the chest and assisted her demons in tearing her apart. She closed her eyes and rested her face on the floor but the hot tears still slipped through her eyelids. The tears were proof.

Deep down, she was bleeding. If nothing was done, eventually the pain would become too much.

The tears were physical signs that the demons were having a good claw-down in her chest. She needed it to stop.

Sometime during her pity party her sister came down the hall to her room, following Adalyn's lead.

It was almost eight now. The eruptions hadn't stopped. If anything, they only got worse.

_I was the start of all of this,_ Adalyn thought. _Maybe if I left and the only people left in this family were those all actually related, everything would go back to before._

Adalyn had tried running away many times before. She had never gotten farther than the closest grocery store, and her parents never even realized she was gone. But this time she would leave for good. Then everything would be better for them. She stuffed a wad of cash she had saved up into her bra and climbed out her window, thanking God she had a one story house.

She made it past the nearest gas station and checked her phone. It was 8:30.

She walked until she reached her local grocery store. She checker her phone again. 8:45. She had never gotten past this before. But she was leaving for real this time, so she had to be brave. She would pass a lot of grocery stores. She continued on.

She got to a normally busy intersection, but it was nine now so it wasn't so crowded. She still pressed the walk button and waited until the little person appeared. She wasn't sure if she was just being cautious or was just stalling.

Her parents still hadn't noticed she'd left. She felt a twinge of disappointment. It only made sense though. They were probably still arguing.

She was walking past a dark strip of sidewalk. The next shop was quite a bit a walk. She suddenly felt very vulnerable. She had never been this far away on her own before. She wished she had brought her car, but her keys were in the living room and she didn't want to have to deal with The Eruptions.

She glanced around herself continually. She didn't want to be taken by surprise. A few cars passed by but none of them stopped. It was 9:20 now.

She got passed the dark strip and was at a small shopping center. She didnt get raped, or mugged, or abducted. That was good.

She felt in her pocket to check the time on her phone, and felt a sinking feeling in her gut.

It was dead. If something happened, she couldn't call anybody. Even if she borrowed a phone from somebody, she didn't know anyone's numbers but her own and her mom's, but her mom had a flip phone and kept it off except at work.

She pushed her bad feelings about her little adventure out of her mind and continued past the shopping center to the street, leaving the comforting lights behind.

She passed under an overhead bridge and was walking through a park. She kept on getting the feeling someone was watching her, but didn't see anyone. She blamed it on nerves.

Toward the end of the park she heard some guys around her age messing around. When she passed by she saw that there was about seven of them, and they were passing around a bottle of something.

They were drunk. Wonderful.

Adalyn began to feel that maybe running away wasn't the best idea. Too late now.

She left the park behind and began walking down the sidewalk. The next marking point was a super market and it was pretty far away.

For some reason the guys voices didn't fade in the distance. They stayed the same volume. She glanced back but couldn't see them. It could have been that there was a bend in the sidewalk, but she hoped they were still in the park.

Someone driving in a car rolled down their window and asked if she needed help.

Her first immediate reaction was no, but she could still hear the drunken voices of the guys behind her.

"Um, yeah, actually. I'm lost," she lied. "Could I borrow your phone and call someone?" She could try calling her mom. Her parents must have realized she was gone by now, maybe her mom turned her phone on to call her.

The person pulled over next to her. The guys voices were faint now and didn't seem to be getting closer. That was good.

A middle aged woman in a skirt suit stepped out. She pulled out a shiny new android and typed in the password and pulled up the phone app before handing it to Adalyn.

Adalyn bit her lip as she recalled her mother number. She cautiously put the phone up to her ear.

It rang, once, twice, three times, and went to her mother's voice mail.

_You called Kathy, I'm sorry I couldn't get to you. Leave a message and I'll call you back. _

Adalyn hung up. Her mom wouldnt get the message until the next morning and by then it wouldn't matter.

Suddenly she remembered Sebastian hurrying after her after school. _Oops, I forgot to help him on the science homework. Good thing it's not due until the end of this week_, she thought.

Adalyn went back to the screen with the keyboard, glanced at her hand, and typed in his number, _666-1155_. She once again lifted the phone to her ear.

He picked up on the second ring and she breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Hello," he called into the phone.

"Hi Sebastian, its Adalyn, from school. Sorry, I forgot to text you about the science homework, and um, this is a little embarrassing, but can you pick me up?" She felt herself blush a little when she asked him. She would have to explain the whole shenanigan to him, something she was not looking forward to.

His voice seemed hesitant. "Uh, sure. Where are you?"

She mentally kicked herself for having to rely on him. "Um, I'm on the sidewalk, in between the park and the shopping center with the Walmart. I'm wearing blue," she added.

"Okay. I'll be there in a few." His voiced seemed to question why she was there, of all places, especially at this time. The lady's phone told her it was past ten now. She was glad he didn't ask for an explanation. She didn't want to have to explain it in front of the lady whose phone she borrowed.

"Here." Adalyn handed the phone back to the nice lady, her voice heavy with gratitude.

The lady wrinkled her brow. "Do you want me to stay here until your friend picks you up?" She asked.

Adalyn shook her head. She didn't want to become more of a burden to her more than she already was.

"Are you sure?"

Adalyn nodded.

She wasn't sure, though. She could still faintly here the guys behind her, and she knew the lady could too. She didn't want to wait alone, but at the same time she didn't want to interfere with anyone's lives more than she had too.

The lady didnt seem convinced, but said, "Okay, be safe, sweetie," before climbing back into her shiny sports car and driving away.

Once the lady left, the guy's voices seemed to be coming closer. Adalyn shifted from foot to foot. She glanced at her phone out of habit, but it was dead. She crossed one foot over the other, and then hopped to regain balance.

The voices were louder.

She glanced nervously the way she had come, and saw the group of guys, they're loud, drunken voices carrying across the space between them, which suddenly seemed much too small.

"Hey, cutie! It's a little late to be wandering out alone," one called to her, earning laughs and shoves from his friends. She ignored them.

_They're not talking to me, they're not talking to me_, they're not talking to me, she repeated in her head, trying to convince herself everything was going to be okay.

_Sebastian, where are you?_

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" The same one called to her again. She didn't even give them a glance, but simply closed her eyes and pretended they were there.

"Hey!" She ignored them.

But she couldn't do that for long. A rough hand grabbed her shoulder and spun her around to face the person who the hand belonged to.

"Im talking to you. It's impolite not to reply." His hot breathe hit her face, making her want to flinch away. It smelled strongly of alcohol. One of his goons yanked on a strand of her hair.

She shoved both of them away. "Because you care deeply about social etiquette, don't you." She vainly attempted to use sarcasm to cover up her discomfort.

The goons laughed loudly, and the first one that grabbed her shoved her back. "Looks like she figured me out!" He called to his friends. Adalyn balled up her fists.

One appeared behind her, and ran his thumb down her cheek. "Don't touch me!" She shoved his hand away, causing them all to laugh again.

"She's a feisty one," someone called from the back. Adalyn glanced behind her, preparing to run. "That's okay, I like 'em feisty."

Someone grabbed her wrists, and they all laughed when she attempted to lash out at him. "Stop it!" She called.

To her surprise, he dropped her hands. They all backed away from her.

"Humph," she said, and brought her hands up in fists, as if preparing for a fight. "Yeah, leave!"

She heard a deep voice call from behind her. "If you value your lives, I'd take her advice."

Adalyn spun around, and came face to face with her gentlemanly English partner. He radiated malice, his dark eyes chips if obsidian.

_If looks could kill,_ she thought to herself. He was twirling a knife between his fingers, and despite his menacing look, she didn't think she had ever been so glad so see someone in her life.

_Why?_ The voice of sense and logic called from the back of her head. You _heard before that most girls are sexually harassed by people they know._

_He wouldn't do that_, the naive voice of hope disputed.

_You can't know that. You only met him today, and anyone could tell there's something off about him; something in your head that tells you to stay away from him._

_Well what else and I supposed to do? Face the drunken gang of highschool guys by myself, or go with him and hope he doesnt try anything. _

Naive voice of hope won this round.

Adalyn was snapped out of her inner quarrel when one of the drunken guys gained courage from who knows where and stepped up to face Sebastian. Adalyn had to give him some credit. If it were her Sebastian was glaring at, as if planning the best way to gut her, she would want to crawl in a hole and stay there for the rest of her now probably short life.

"Look," he began, stumbling, his voice slurred, "you put that knife down and stop looking at us like that, and we'll give you a turn."

Adalyn wanted to throw up, preferably on his shoes.

Sebastian's eyes flashed. With a quick smooth movement, he brought the knife up and threw it at the little piece of shit who had spoke. It impaled his hand straight through. He screamed and clutched it, blood trickling down from the wound.

Sebastian flexed his hands. "Anyone else up for negotiating?" He asked, eyes raking over the group.

The rest backed off until they felt it was safe to turn they're back on him and then sprinted back to the park.

Sebastian laid a hand on Adalyn's shoulder. He could tell from the tense way she held herself she was shaken up, but, who wouldn't be?

"You okay?" He asked. Adalyn nodded, but she wouldn't look at him and he didn't believe her.

"Sorry about the knife thing." He could imagine that would also be disturbing for someone not used to the kind of life of a shadowhunter.

Adalyn nodded again. "It's okay. Thanks."

He helped her into his car, a shiny black Lamborghini. Once they were both settled in the leather front seats and the engine was on, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"

Adalyn shrugged. "Not home, but I don't know where else I could go."

"Yeah, why are you out here so late in the first place?"

The moment she was dreading was upon her now. "Um." She didn't want to have to explain everything to him; she didn't want to explain it to anyone, because if she said it out loud it would become true. She knew she wouldn't be able to get it all out without crying, just thinking about it made tears prick at the back of her eyes. "Its a long story," she finally settled on. She hoped it would stop the conversation.

"Family issues?" He guessed. She nodded, quickly brushing away a stray tear which had escaped.

She thought she heard him mutter, "tell me about it," be she wasn't sure. It seemed like now of days everyone had family problems, and she wasn't the only one going through this, and everyone else seemed able to handle it, so why shouldn't she? She felt another hot tear escape, and she angrily pushed it away, and found her face was wet. She already was crying. Well, no use trying to stop it now.

She dug little half moons into the palms of her hands and just let the tears fall.

Sebastian looked over and saw her tear-streaked face. "Hey," he whispered softly. She didn't look at him, just kept staring out the windshield. He pulled the car over to the side of the road and attempted to stem the flow.

He brushed tear after tear away. Adalyn closed her eyes and let him. She felt his callused thumb rub over her cheekbones.

"Hey," he said again, softly, cupping her face in one hand. She looked over at him this time. He still had the same aura around him as earlier that day, but his dark eyes seemed softer, his pale chiseled face open and full of concern.

She pushed stringy wet strands of hair away from her face. "I'm sorry," she whispered out. She hated letting people see her like this, even her family, and especially strange guys who stared at her at lunch and shook her hand in English with sophisticated grace that didn't belong in a high school classroom. Yet here she was, in Sebastian's car, with his hand cupped tenderly around her cheek, bawling her eyes out.

Some unknown force urged her to lean over the stick shift in between them and close the gap between their lips, and she relented. Maybe it was because it was late and she was scared and just wanted to do something reckless. Maybe it was because Sebastian wasn't the only one who felt that they had some sort of supernatural attraction for each other.

Her right hand found the side of his neck, her left tangled around the fine white strands of his hair. She felt a tingling sensation where ever they're skin touched.

His hand not on her face moved to her waist, pulling her closer. Her lips tasted like salt. This is what he was waiting for, and it was better than he could have ever possibly imagined. It was better than with Clary, and felt more sincere and serene than what he had with the girls he brought home sometimes. This brought on a sort warmth and tenderness. He tilted his head, deepening the kiss.

Adalyn slid closer to him, her right hand moved down to gather his T-shirt in her fist. His left hand moved back to the small of her back, pulling her toward him and closing the gaps between them completely. She fell on his lap, abandoning the passenger seat completely.

Sebastian would have been completely content if they could stay like that forever. He leaned forward, pressed himself even closer. He could feel her erratic heartbeat against his chest. One hand moved to brace himself against the steering wheel.

At last they broke apart, breathing heavily. Adalyn felt a blush creep into her cheeks under his hand. She looked to the side away from him, shame crawling into her brain and nestling in next to her voices of hope and logic for a lengthy stay, but it wasn't quite strong enough to have her push herself away. She still sat nestled in his lap, her chest pressed against his. His breath stirred the fly away hairs that floated around her face.

He watched her face as he brushed away a lock of hair behind her ear. Shame wasn't a resident in him, it only felt natural. Even though he had only just met her, it just seemed like they were meant for each other. She fit into his lap to well for their meeting to just be pure coincidence. If they were puzzle pieces to an old jigsaw puzzle, he would be a bent corner piece with not many places for other pieces to fit with to begin with, and now that he was a little broken, she was the only piece that actually fit perfectly with him and not just okay with a few gaps where his cardboard had been pulled back a bit too much.

She felt her pull toward him awaken, and wanted to fling herself back against him, but she didn't because she had acted without thinking enough for one night and didn't know anything of his world to understand why she felt this way. It was dismissed it for foolhardy love that could only bloom late at night when feelings and thoughts ran wild.

"I should be getting home," she said, breaking the silence saturated with words of compassion that didnt need to be spoken aloud.

Sebastian nodded, and lifted her over the center of the car back into her seat. "Do you know your way home?" He wished she could stay with him all night, but didn't want to push her. He was plenty satisfied with their interaction that night, and the memory of their kiss kept replaying through his mind, causing a little sweet smile to play at the corners of his mouth.

Adalyn nodded, and directed him to her home, also the memory of their kiss playing over and over in her mind. Except, the fact that she enjoyed it didn't cause her to smile, and instead made the shame which had crawled in her brain to spike up, almost covering everything else in there.

Almost, it couldn't conceal that feeling of rightness she felt when their lips connected. She didn't think anything could.

**Yayyyyy! Also, I was looking through my fic on the actual site instead of Word and Google Drive and my notepad because I'm still grounded, and I realized for some reason my line breaks mysteriously disappeared. Im thinking maybe I should use something else that doesn't disappear. It would help everything make more sense. If they actually are gone and it all looks like one huge section with no setting changes or anything and that just wasn't my phone and it wasn't one of those dreams I have where im going through normal life but something is off like the one I had last night where this guy in my math class who I used to have a crush on had a twin brother who was fifty thousand times nicer and then the next day in math class I was about to ask him about his twin brother and then I realized he doesn't actually have a twin brother, and that other dream I had where I found my lost PE sock and I was so happy but then the next day in PE I couldn't find it so either that was a dream or I lost it again.**

**Wow, that was long.**

**Anyway, REVIEW PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ AND BECAUSE READING THEM IS MY MOST FAVORITE THING IN THE WORLD AND IT MAKES ME FEEL ALL WARM AND FUZZY AND GIGGLY AND HAPPY SO YEAH REVIEW. AND I WILL WORK ON SAVING UP MONEY TO FIX MY COMPUTER OR BUY A NEW ONE INSTEAD OF SPENDING IT ALL AT HOT TOPIC!**


	5. Chapter 5

Wow, okay,** I'm sorry followers who read this chapter before I edited it. I didn't realize that using copy/paste thing to upload chapters not only took out all bold and italics but also every paragraph break. I won't use that again.**

Sebastian drove Adalyn to her block, but parked down the road to her house. She crawled in through her open window, and listened to see if her parents were done fighting. They were. Adalyn breathed out a sigh of relief. She stepped out of her room and saw her mom wearily eating ice cream.

"Mom?"

Kathy looked up from her bowl. "Hi Adalyn. I'm sorry your father and I have some trouble getting along. I know its hard on you and your sister."

Adalyn sat down next to her mom. "Are you going to look for a new job?"

Kathy nodded. "I don't know what were going to do, Adalyn. Were tight on money, and with the divorce, I just don't know how it all can possibly work out." Adalyn looked over and saw her mother with tears in her eyes. Adalyn hugged her. Her mother sniffed. "I'm sorry. This isn't something for you to worry about. Your still young, you just worry about getting through high school."

Adalyn hated seeing her mother cry. It was one of the worst things in the world for her. She knew her parents loved her and her sibling and were doing the best they could. She just wished things werent the way they were.

Adalyn gave her mom one last pat before getting up to go to her room.

"Hey, Adalyn," her mom called after her. Adalyn turned around. "Make sure when you get older you find a good guy, like your father, and make sure you don't make the same mistakes I did. Its amazing how much a good marriage can help you." Toward the end she was smiling a bitter-sweet smile. Adalyn's thoughts flashed to Sebastian wiping away her tears in the car.

Adalyn balanced a book on her lap as she waited for Ericka to get to school. The brisk morning wind caused a chill to crawl under her thin sweater. The bell would ring to mark the start of school in ten minutes; Ericka should be there soon. Adalyn wished she would hurry. It was becoming more and more difficult for her to ignore the looming presence of Sebastian in the corner of her eye as the minutes ticked on. It didn't help that he kept glancing her way with those charcoal eyes, and like charcoal, even when his gaze was moved on, it left dark streaks on her brain that didn't go away. When she tried to wipe it clean, it just made a big, black, smudged mess that was even worse than what it was like before. She needed a distraction, and Lord of the Flies just wasn't cutting it.

Sebastian didn't understand why she was ignoring him. They weren't strangers; or at least from what he knew, strangers didn't make out in cars. But, then again, his knowledge in mundane culture was limited. Maybe that was just something that people did. He had had plenty of one night stands to know that people are perfectly capable of sharing intimate moments the night before and then never speaking again. He hoped that's not what she was planning on leaving they're interaction the night before as. He would be very disappointed in having to start all over again. Last night was a blessing of a chance he didn't plan on letting slip through his fingers. He saw her shiver, and wished she would let him give her his jacket or drape his arm around her shoulders. But she seemed insistent of pretending he wasn't there. He sighed. _Stubborn bitch_, she wasn't going to make this easy on him.

"Scary guy from science is staring at you again," Ericka announced as she dropped her bag down on the bench besides Adalyn. "I think you should talk to him, see what his problem is."

_Shut up Ericka_, Adalyn said, annoyed, in her head. Out loud she said, "he's just weird. I don't think there's any reason why he's staring at him. Besides, I feel like if I try to talk to him, he'll stab me or something." She doubted he would stab her if she tried to talk to him. He seemed so sweet the night before, but she just hoped that she could just drop the whole embarrassing encounter. Ericka got one of those evil gleams in her eye that made Adalyn feel an urge to run to the bathroom, by her self.

"I think he wants to fuck you," she said. _He probably does,_ Adalyn thought, considering the passion which he kissed her last night. Adalyn decided that wasn't a train of thought she was willing to go down, because the thought of him fucking her wasn't gag-inducing, at all. She saw him look at her again.

"Well, that's too bad, because he's not getting anywhere near _this_," she gestured to herself. Ericka giggled a little and Adalyn hoped that her light tone would bring the discussion to an end.

"You don't think he's hot?" Ericka asked. Adalyn had to admit he was, not to mention what an exceptional kissing skills he possessed. "Because I would totally bang him if I got the chance."

Adalyn got the urge to strangle her dear friend. _Goddammit Ericka! Honestly, let's not venture into this topic._ "Can we not talk about this," Adalyn snapped, "please!"

Ericka put up her hands in surrender. "Okay, okay, I get it. Your inner girl is finally coming out thanks to our little terrifying science classmate and its scaring you. I know, I understand, fangirling is a costly hobby and can lead to many awkward situations, especially when youre fangirling over a guy who you know." Ericka just didn't know when to leave things alone, did she? "Ericka!" Ericka laughed. "Okay, sorry. We can drop it. I just couldn't resist."

"Thank you!"

Adalyn settled into her seat in first period, next to her table mate. There just was no getting away from him, was there? "Are you going to continue to ignore me still?" He asked as he pulled out his notebook. The bell hadn't rang yet. Adalyn didn't respond, or even acknowledge him. She pretended no one had sat down next to her yet. He made an irritated noise at the back of his throat. Adalyn waited until they had both gotten out all of their stuff and had sat in silence for a little longer before finally replying to his question. "Why can't you just be like a normal highschool boy and pretend I don't exist? Why can't you just be the typical teenage asshole and pretend nothing ever happened last night?"

He turned his head and looked straight at her, his pitch black eyes completely unreadable. Adalyn wanted to pull her gaze away but seemed to be trapped in his abyssal stare. "Let me just make one thing clear to help us for the future, I am not a typical highschool boy."

_I am the prince of hell, the leader of a demon shadowhunter army, the son of Valentine and Lilith, a ruthless killer, and I will stop at nothing to get what I want_, he added in his head. As fucking annoying she was being, he still didn't want to scare her off. He forced his true nature down and brought out the trained gentleman Valentine had perfected in him. He forced a smile on his lips.

"I really like you, Adalyn. I don't want us to be strangers." That's not what he truely wanted to say. He wanted to ask why she wouldn't just accept that he was who she belonged with, he wanted to ask her why she didn't appreciate how tender he had been with her last night, and it even flowed naturally, it wasnt forced. He wanted to yell at her and grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her and then kiss her breathless. However, none of that behavior was acceptable in a classroom. She sure turned out to be a challenge.

_WHAT THE EVERLIVING FUCK IS GOING ON? _He sure as hell wasn't a typical highschool boy. He must be faking it. _"I really like you Adalyn, I don't want us to be strangers."_ Either he was an angel sent down to Earth to spread peace or Ericka was right and he did want to fuck her. She was thinking that the latter one was the more probable out of the two. She wasn't sure whether she should be flattered that he was so turned on by her that he would go through such great measures to get in her pants, or really, really terrified. Maybe he was a molester and that's where the ominous air around him came from. Whatever it was, she didn't want to sit next to him anymore. Also, she wished he would go back to whatever school he came from so he couldn't stare at her before school and at lunch and whenever else he could manage.

"You seem to like that quiet girl over there," Cameron said at lunch, snapping his attention away from Adalyn and back to his group.

"Pardon?" He asked.

"You're always staring at her. Do you like her or something?"

Sebastian pondered this for a moment. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

Cameron snorted. "Why? You're completely out of her league. And even if she wasn't a nobody, there are so many hotter, and sluttier girls here. Sure, shes decent, but shes not, like, _hot_, like Gigi, and its going to be so much harder to get in her pants."

Sebastian met him with a steady gaze. "I don't want them. I want her."

Cameron shrugged. "You're really weird, you know that? You're always so formal, yet everyone feels like you're going to burn the school down if someone pushes you in the hallway. Like, who are you, James Bond?"

Sebastian slunk around his friend and pretended to shoot someone with a finger gun. "Yes," he responded. He was glad he had watched one of the movies once, so he at least knew what he was talking about. Cameron rolled his eyes. "Okay, whatever. Well, if you want to make the quiet nobody your Bond girl, go ahead."

Sebastian grinned. "You think it's weird I like her, don't you?"

"Very."

"Yeah," he felt his eyes drift over to Adalyn again, "I don't really understand it myself."

Cameron gave him a strange look. "Uh, okay. I don't really understand what you mean by that, but I'm going to pretend I do."

Sebastian knew he stuck out like a sore thumb, but he didn't really care. He fit in better than he thought he would, and it really didn't matter to him anyway what his highschool social status was. It wouldn't matter when he took over the world anyway.

"Oh my god! There you go again! You are like, obsessed. Really, just go talk to her." Cameron snapped himout out of his thoughts.

"I do talk to her. I sit next to her in English."

"That doesnt count."

Sebastian sighed in defeat. "What should I say?"

Cameron shrugged. "Whatever you want. Comment on her food, or her hair, or just sit down and say hi and let her do the talking."

Sebastian still looked uneasy. "I don't think she likes me." It was times like these when he hated his demon blood. He was grateful for the special abilities it gave him, along with the power, but it made him give off a sense of malice, which sometimes was helpful, and other times was a pain in the ass. It made it hard for him to make friends, and every time he messed up, which was a lot, again thanks to the black blood in his veins, it made it harder for people to forgive him. He didn't understand what he did wrong with Adalyn, or why she wants to pretend he doesnt exist. He was nice, and didn't let his true personality show. He was careful to make sure she only saw him at his best. Maybe that it. Maybe he overdid it and she can tell he's faking it. Maybe he should just tone it down a little, let flashes of who he really is show. But not completely let lose. He still didn't want to scare her away. "But, I guess I'll give it a shot."

"You ready for this Adalyn?" Ericka asked, mischievously. Adalyn was worried.

"Ready for what?" Considering the look in Ericka's eye, the answer would be no. Ericka seemed to be watching something behind her. Adalyn turned around and saw _him._ The nicest perverted molester she'd ever meet. Sebastian. He was walking toward her table.

_Oh god_.

He sat down next to her, and said something which caused her to want to run and hide for the rest of her life, something that made her want to shove him to the ground and stomp on him repeatedly, yet at the same time made her want to fling herself into his lap. He said something which would ring in her head forever. He said, "Hi."

"I have to go get some food," Ericka causally said while sliding out of her seat, about to leave Adalyn alone.

"I do to," Adalyn quickly said and tried to follow her, but Ericka pushed her down back in her seat.

"I'll get something for you." Ericka left her with him. Traitor.

"Are we pretending we never saw each other last night?" He asked.

Adalyn felt like she was about to pee her pants. She opened her mouth to speak, hesitantly at first, but once she got started the words seemed to tumble out of her mouth. "Look, I'm sorry. When I kissed you, it was just because it was late at night and I felt like I had to do something reckless. It didn't mean anything. And the whole memory is just embarrassing. I don't even let my family see me cry. Stop trying to bring it up."

Sebastian raised his eyebrows. "Really? You didn't feel anything, nothing at all toward me. I was just something for you to do." Adalyn felt her face heat up. This was jot going the way she wanted it to.

"I'm sorry. I should have just asked for you to take me home. It was stupid decision on a stupid night. I wasn't thinking straight. You know that, I was out wandering the streets at ten at night."

He leaned forward towards her. Even though there was a crowded, noisy cafeteria surrounding them, he felt like they were alone. "Are you sure about that."

Adalyn slammed her hands on the table. "Yes! Now would you please stop talking to me!"

His face was expressionless, his black eyes cold and unreadable. "Remember, you owe me. If I wasn't there you probably wouldn't be here right now."

Adalyn remembered only too well. "Okay, what do you want." He leaned back casually.

"I plan to collect my payment in conversation," he drawled. He was acting way to cocky, the sophisticated grace that surrounded him the other day in English gone. She had a feeling this was closer to the real him.

"I don't want to have a conversation with you." He ran a strand of her hair through his fingers. He had a feeling he was letting loose a little too much, but couldn't help it. It was so much more fun and comfortable to just be the real Sebastian Morgenstern.

"That's too bad," he said in a low voice. It scared her as much as it intrigued her.

Adalyn sighed. "Fine, what do you want to talk about?"

His eyes flashed. "Last night." Adalyn wasn't nearly as enthusiastic as him.

"Anything but that."

"Why you were roaming the streets at ten pm."

Adalyn stiffened. "And that."

He stretched. "Well, that's what I want to talk about, so its your choice which one."

Adalyn desperately wished Ericka would come back soon. It shouldn't take this long to buy something, but knowing Ericka, she probably never actually left and was just watching them from somewhere. "Why are you being such a bitch? Those are both uncomfortable topics for me, and I know you know that."

Sebastian grinned. "Actually, I'm not that interested in why you decided that late at night was a good time for your little walk. I just know you'd prefer to talk about what happened in the car with me than that." Adalyn glared at him.

"Asshole. I'm assuming you want to try and convince me that I actually feel something toward you, and it wasn't just a stupid decision late at night."

Sebastian nodded. "Correct."

"Why?"

His arrogant grin disappeared. He leaned in close. "I have my reasons," he said mysteriously.

"Was it because you felt something, and you don't want to feel like it was only you?" Adalyn pried.

Sebastian stayed close. "I know you felt it too. I can tell." Adalyn made a face. She was done with this conversation. He wasn't even playing prince charming anymore, and his tone suggested flat out malice.

"Well your wrong." She climbed out of her seat and spun away toward a quiet corner. She didn't stop her brisk walk until she got there. It was a little alleyway in between two buildings. The ground in the crevice itself was cement, but the opening was covered by plants. It was facing away from the cafeteria with the nosy counselors who prowled around looking for someone who didn't pick up their trash.

She stopped closed her eyes and leaned her head against the cool wall, hoping to clear her mind. _Deep breath in, deep breath out_. A voice disturbed her efforts to calm herself.

"It's not late at night now. You weren't running around on the streets by yourself. Your thinking straight."

Her eyes snapped open. Sebastian had followed her. Somehow she didn't hear his footsteps or sense his presence. She didn't know that that was the result of years of practice. His face was open and sincere, but she could tell it wasnt just a facade. "What?" She asked.

He took a step closer. "Theres nothing to blame your feelings on now."

_He's going to kiss me_.

She didn't respond. Her hands nervously played with her fingers. He moved closer. They were almost touching now. "If you still don't feel anything, then I'll stop bugging you." His voice had lowered. He placed a hand flat on the wall besides her ear.

_He's going to kiss me_.

And she let him. It wasn't anything like it was the night before, just a short peck on the lips, but she still felt the same tug to him awake just as strong as it had the night before. The same electricity sparked.

He watched her face. Her brown eyes were wide. "Was it just me," he breathed, "that felt that connection right there." Adalyn knew it wasn't just him. She couldn't believe how strong that spark was, especially for just a small kiss. But she didn't want to give him that satisfaction.

"Yes. I'd really prefer if you stopped staring at me."

She was a cruel little fucker, wasnt she.

Sebastian's face dropped. He was so sure that it wasn't just him. It couldn't be just him. He felt as if she just grabbed his heart, threw it on the ground, and played jump rope on it.

"Dogs are my favorite animal," she whispered out, as her brains strange way of apologizing.

Adalyn ducked under his arm and escaped, before her face could call out the truth.

Sebastian didn't follow Adalyn. He was still in shock. Once Adalyn was gone, he came to his senses and did a very Sebastian-y thing. He punched the cement wall so hard he left small cracks in it and could hear every individual bone in his hand break. He looked down at his bloodied knuckle uncomprehendingly, and then punched the wall again, and broke the rest of the remaining bones in his hand.

_To love is to destroy._

Sebastian ditched the rest of his classes.

So did Adalyn.


	6. Chapter 6

**All I have to say is, this is not my best chapter.**

**Don't be expecting something great because it's pretty bad, but, you know what? Fuck it, I don't care. **

**Also, I was at cold stone a few weeks ago and I saw a guy who originally had brown hair, so he also had brown eyes, but he bleached his hair and he looked kind of like Sebastian and I was like OH MY GOD! I almost told him that I liked his hair but I have a medical disorder that makes it so I am incapable of giving compliments without sounding really creepy. Like once when I was skiing I saw someone with I neon snow suit and I liked it so I complimented them on it.**

**I told them I was going to marry their snow suit. **

**I assure you, I am not going to marry a snow suit. I meant to say "I like your snow suit" but somehow it got all twisted in my mouth and came out as me blowing kisses to her clothes.**

**That experience has traumatized me and I am now forever scared to give compliments. That is why I didn't say anything about the guys hair even though it made him look like Sebastian.**

Sebastian went to Von's and bought a bottle of Vodka. He showed the skeptical cashier the fake ID he had. It had a bad picture of him with the name Sebastian Morgenstern printed in block letters on it. It was a very good quality fake, and it fooled the cashier. He went home and drank the whole bottle on his couch while watching Keeping up with the Kardashians. It boggled his mind how someone could have such a stupid life, and get a TV show on it.

He stumbled over to his kitchen, in his drunken state thinking it was the training room, and brutally slaughtered the slab of raw Halibut in the freezer he was supposed to have for dinner the next night. The next morning when he sobered up and found the stinking remains on the floor, he didn't mind. He never even liked Halibut that much anyway.

Lilith appeared late that evening and, upon finding the empty bottle of Vodka on the glass coffee table in the living room, assumed highschool life wasnt going as great for Sebastian as she planned. She disappeared back to her palace in hell half an hour later.

Adalyn spent the remaining hours of school at the nearby park, swinging on a swing that was much too low for her and listening to music.

She didn't know why she lied to Sebastian. She heard his fist connect with the wall once she left. She didn't want to hurt him. She liked him too, even if the true him was an ass, he still wasnt that bad. She could feel every spot he had touched her tingling, the side of her face, her hip, the edge of her ear where his hand had brushed it earlier that day, her lips.

Her hand went up and brushed them lightly, her body remembering how his mouth had pressed against them not that long ago.

Maybe she was scared. He would want a relationship, if he cared enough about her to go so far out of his way, and she wasn't sure if she was ready for that. When she thought of relationships, she thought of her parents, and how bad theirs turned out. She knew that if hers and Sebastian's ever went sour she wouldn't be able to take the kind of pain. Its better just to avoid that all together.

Is it better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all?

Once school would have been over if she went, Ericka texted her, asking what had happened and why she wasn't at school for the rest of the day.

_What did Sebastian want?_

Adalyn's thumbs hovered over the screen of her phone, wondering if she should tell her, then scolded herself for even asking herself that. Its Ericka, her best friend. They don't keep secrets from each other.

**He kissed me.**

_WHAT?! D: explain_

Adalyn took a deep breath.

**He kissed me last night too.**

_ADALYN! WHY DIDNT U TELL ME_

**Its kind of a long story**

_Too bad, as your best friend I have to know these things._

**My mom lost her job, so my parents started fighting. And then my dad brought up IT**

_Ugh, I'm sorry._

**So I decided to run away**

_Idiot_

**I know, I know. And I was pretty far away and it was late and then these creepy guys started following me**

_Did u punch them_

**... No**

**My phone had died**

_Did u get raped_

**No, luckily, but I almost did**.

_HOW COULD U NOT TELL ME THIS UNTIL NOW!_

Adalyn felt a pang of guilt.

**I know, I'm sorry.**

**Anyway, the only numbers I know is my moms and mine, but my moms phone is always off**

_Okay, youre going to have to memorize my number now_

**Yeah, I should**

**But Sebastian had written his number on my hand after school yesterday because he said he needed help with the science homework. So I had his number**

_And you called him?_

**Yeah, and I asked him to pick me up, and he did**

_Did he rape you?_

**NO**

_oh, so how'd you end up kissing_

**I'm getting there. .**

**But you know how there was creepy guys following me?**

_Did they try to rape you?_

**Yeah, and it was really scary**

_Did u kick them?_

**Um, no. But Sebastian came just at the right time**

_SUUUUPPPPERRRR CREEPY GUY IN SCIENCE TO THE RESCUE! :D_

**yeah, sort of. So, you know how he's like, terrifying**

_Yeah_

**Well he had a knife and was all like go away or I'm going to kick your ass**

_HE HAD A KNIFE!_

**Yeah, and this one guy back-talked him, and he threw the knife at him**

_OMG_

**yeah, and it hit his hand and it started bleeding a lot**

_SEBASTIANS SECRETLY AN FBI AGENT_

**I'm considering that**

_That is so cool_

**And scary**

_He is scary_

**That's the thing though, I got in his car and he was going to take me home or something**

**But then I STARTED FUCKING CRYING**

_And, let me guess, it got all romantic and stuff_

**YES! Me and scary guy from science had a very romantic moment in his expensive Lamborghini**

_Oooh he's got Lambo_

**Yeah, like what high school student has a car that expensive**

_Told you, he's an FBI agent_

**He totally is.**

**Back to when I was crying. He pulled over and was really sweet and wiped away my tears and stuff**

_AWWWWWW THATS SO CUTE_

**And my hormones were raging so I kissed him**

_And did he kiss back?_

**Hell yeah, we ended up like making out**

_OMG! ADALYN!_

**yeah, but then I was really embarrassed and he kept on staring at me at school**

_And is that why he wanted to talk to you at lunch?_

**Yeah, so he asked about last night and I got mad and stomped away to my corner, but he followed me**

_Ooh, Adalyn if he doesn't become your boyfriend soon I'm gonna kill a bitch_

**I think I kind of ruined those chances**

_HOW_

**so he said he liked me a lot and stuff**

_Do you like him_

**Yeah, I do**

_So why won't you guys start dating?_

**Because he kissed me**

_So? Was he a bad kisser?_

**No, but the whole reason for why he kissed me was because he was mad I was ignoring him and wanted to prove to me that he really likes me, and was pretty convinced that I like him too**

_So you didn't tell him you like him_

**No. And then after he kissed me he was like if that meant nothing to you I'll leave**

**And I said it didn't and I would like it if he stopped staring at me**

_ADALYN!_

**I know, I'm stupid**

_WHYYYY!_

**I'm sorry**

_YOURE KILLING ME!_

**And he looked pretty shocked and I told him dogs are my favorite animal and ran off**

_WHAT IS WRONG WITH U!_

**I feel bad**

_ADALYN!_

**This is going in circles**

_HOW CAN U MESS SOMETHING UP SO BADLY!_

**I know**

_WHY WOULD U DO THAT!_

**I don't know**

_ADALYN!_

**you said that before**

_U R GOING TO APOLOGIZE TOMORROW!_

**no I'm not**

_U R GOING TO FLING URSELF AT HIM IN SCIENCE SO I CAN WATCH!_

**I'm not doing that**

_NOW ILL NEVER KNOW IF HES REALLY AN FBI AGENT OR NOT!_

**oh my god Ericka**

While Sebastian was drunk, he found Clary's number in his phone and began texting her.

His intoxicated mind forgot that he only has Clary's number because he stalks her and she neither has his or knows that he has hers. When he began texting her, asking how he could possible have misjudged someone so badly and why Adalyn doesnt like him back, she was very confused and at first thought someone had gotten the wrong number.

She was at Taki's with Jace when her phone blew up. It suddenly had a spaz attack and couldn't seem to bleep fast enough.

"What the hell?" She wondered aloud as she pulled it out of her pocket.

52 messages from (420) 666-1155.

"What is it?" Jace asked over his Strawberry shake.

"Like, a bajillion messages from someone who got the wrong number."

She opened them and read aloud for Jace, in monotone.

"I don't understand, Clary. Why would she possible not like me? I was nice, she kissed me the night before, but now she's all like, I would like it if you left me alone and stopped talking to me. Why. I'm so confused. My hand is so badly broken. I'm going to need another bottle of Vodka. She frustrates me so much. I kind of want to kill her, nobody she have this much power over me."

Jace was laughing behind his hand. "Who is that?"

The small red head shook her head, mystified. "They know my name, so it can't be a wrong number, but I have no idea who it could be."

"Maybe Jordan got a new phone and Maia broke up with him?" Jace suggested.

Clary shook her head. "I don't think so, I saw them yesterday and they seemed as happy as can be, and Jordan still had the same phone he's always had."

Clary's phone beeped a few more times with new messages.

"Call the number," Jace suggested. Clary scribbled the number on the screen on a napkin, and then went to the keyboard screen and typed it in.

"Let's see if they have face time." Clary clicked on the button on her screen. It rang twice before Clary and Jace were graced with a very drunken Sebastian on her phone screen.

Clary shrieked in shock and tossed the phone away from her on the table. Jace picked it up, and the corners of his lips twitched up. He found it amusing to see Sebastian in such a pitiful state.

Sebastian blinked at Jace. "You're not Clarissa," he slurred, his words hardly legible.

"No," Jace agreed cheerily, "I'm most definitely not."

Clary snatched her phone out of Jace's hands. "HOW DID YOU GET MY NUMBER?!" she screeched at her older brother. Sebastian scratched his face and took another swig from his bottle. "Clary," he muttered miserably, "I was so sure she felt the same way."

"WHO?"

Sebastian sighed. "And now my hand is broken."

Jace grabbed the phone back. "Yes, I know, love is a cruel bitch." Clary made an irritated noised and unsuccessfully lunged across the table for her phone.

Sebastian seemed to be staring at something beyond his front camera. "Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are already divorced? I thought they just got married? They even have a kid! Although, her life is already screwed up. Her name is fucking North West."

Jace, despite his interactions with Clary and Simon, still was not caught up on celebrities lives and didn't understand a thing he said.

"Well, what do you expect? Its the two biggest idiots of Hollywood. Kanye West was all like 'I'm the King of Rap' and shit. Like excuse me Kanye but while Eminem is in the picture you will never be the best," Clary interjected from across the table.

Jace was so confused. He wasn't as much in the loop as his girlfriend and her brother. "Is this like another Jelena scandal?" He asked. Jelena was the only celebrity supercouple name he had ever heard. He hoped that might bring the conversation to a place where he could join in.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Please, no one cares about stupid Justin and Selena anymore. They've broken up and gotten together so many times now. Justin is just retarded and Selena needs to move on." He took another swig of his Vodka. At least worrying over other peoples lives distracted him from the pain of his own.

Clary nodded in agreement with Sebastian. "Like, how many times has he gone to jail now?"

Jace, realizing he could never enter this topic of conversation without looking like an idiot, went back to his shake.

Clary and Sebastian continued they're conversation about celebrity gossip, neither one of them mentioning how strange it is for them to actually be having a normal conversation, until Sebastian was too drunk to continue. He kept on bringing up someone named "Adalyn" but Clary had never heard of an Adalyn, and that hindered they're conversation. Sebastian, however, continued bringing her up.

Toward the end he was crying over this Adalyn person, and Clary got the feeling that she was who he was texting her about. When he mentioned her dating Lindsay Lohann, she figured that trying to make any kind of conversation with someone this drunk was hopeless. She hung up on him, not worrying about seeming rude because 1, he probably wouldn't notice, 2, even if he did notice he wouldn't remember in the morning, and 3, he had murdered countless people and attempted to rape her, norms of social etiquette didn't mean much to him.

The next day, Sebastian ditched first and second period due to his horrible hang over. He went for third, though. He dressed in black jeans and a black shirt, both which offset his skin. He snuck in through the back of the school gate during passing period and made him way to science. On the way in he passed Adalyn, who ducked her head down and hurried passed when she saw him. His gaze lingered on her, even though he promised he would leave he alone. He had lied. There was no way in hell he was just going to let her slip through his fingers. He seriously was considering kidnapping her, at this point. It hadn't worked with Clary, but maybe that was because she was just so damn dedicated to her golden boy boyfriend and she couldn't get around the fact that he was her brother.

He took his seat next to Cameron, who asked him where he disappeared to after lunch the other day.

"I ditched," he responded blandly.

"Did your little talk with nerdy girl not go so well?" Cameron asked, and Sebastian internally flinched. Cameron could tell his friend was upset. "Seriously, why do you care?"

"You wouldn't understand."

Ericka glared at Adalyn across the classroom all through their teachers boring lecture on DNA. She couldn't wait until sex ed at the end of the year. It was the only unit in science she cared about.

She really needed Adalyn to get a boyfriend so she could stalk them. She had to admit, Sebastian was hot, and she would approve completely.

But that was just her own selfish reasons. Poor Sebastian! She loved her friend, but really, she could be quite impossible sometimes. She knew that it was hard, with her issues with her parents, but she felt it would be good for her friend to experience firsthand that love existed and it wasn't just something spoken of in fairy tales. She could try and help the best she could, but she couldn't force him on Adalyn.

She tuned out the teacher and disappeared into her head. The lecture on genes could wait. She had plans to make.

**See, I told you, bad. I don't know how I got to Clary and Sebastian talking about celebrity gossip, I don't plan these things out I just write and it goes where ever my brain takes it. I was rereading last chapter and was surprised when Adalyn refused Sebastian. That wasn't supposed to happen it just did. Oops.**


	7. Chapter 7

**So, late update, I know. I had this finished for a while but I NEVER GOT TO A COMPUTER!**

**But everything changed when the AkakuShinigami-and-I-went-to-the-horse-together nation attacked.**

**Translation: Rachel and I went to the horse and were talking about fanfictions when, BOOM, **_**I had a thought!**_

**Now, I know what you're thinking. You're leaning against your desk and saying a snarky voice,** _**careful, don't hurt yourself**_**, and everyone in you're whole family comes rushing in youre room, and all of you're dead grandparents rise from their graves, and everyone, aunts, uncles, grandparents, nieces, nephews, cousins, second cousins who you've only met once because they live in Germany and don't speak English, etc. In unision, they all say, why are you talking to yourself?! You turn slowly, get a devilish glint in your eye, and say like a boss ass villian in a super hero movie (like Loki AIFJEKSNFIRIEJFJCHAHKFISB BAD IDEA FANGIRL ATTACK TJWKCJSLENFJ) and say,** _**I wasn't talking to myself. I was talking to a random person I've never met on the internet**_**. And end it all with an evil laugh.**

**Wow, that was not supposed to go on that long. That probably won't happen to you. In fact, half of you probably aren't even at a desk, or have second cousins who live in Germany.**

**Back to my thought.**

**Now, I know what you're thinking. You're leaning against your desk and saying a snarky voice,** _**careful, don't hurt yourself**_**, and everyone in you're whole family comes rushing in youre room, and all of you're dead grandparents rise from their graves, and everyone, aunts, uncles, grandparents, nieces, nephews, cousins, second cousins who you've only met once because they live in Germany and don't speak English, etc. In unision, they all say, why are you talking to yourself?! You turn slowly, get a devilish glint in your eye, and say like a boss ass villian in a super hero movie (like Loki AIFJEKSNFIRIEJFJCHAHKFISB BAD IDEA FANGIRL ATTACK TJWKCJSLENFJ) and say,** _**I wasn't talking to myself. I was talking to a random person I've never met on the internet**_**. And end it all with an evil laugh.**

**See, this is why I can never get anything done. Like reading my three Stephen King books that have to be read by May 15. I need to do that. I should postpone fanfictions and do that because, sorry, my English grade is more important than you.**

**IM SORRY! I LOVE YOU ALL, **_**BUT MY ENGLISH GRADE!**_

**Oh yeah, and I should also start that speech on the Renaissance that's due in three days.**

**And I'm hungry. BUT THE CHICKEN AND RICE FROM LAST NIGHT IS SO FAR AWAY!**

**You know what? Never mind. I'm not going to even try.**

Sebastian went a week watching Adalyn discreetly, the way her shoulders move slightly when she walks, the way her hair slides back and forth across her back, how she only carries the strap of her book bag on her left shoulder. He caught her casting him longing glances over his way from time to time. He began to think that its possible that she had lied that Tuesday. He couldn't possibly imagine why, but that would explain the hushed conversations she would have with her friend that involved glances his way.

He only needed one bottle of Vodka, so he was pretty proud of himself. According to his phone he called Clary, although he has no recollection of that. He hoped it wasn't too bad.

In French he sat behind Adalyn, which gave him a chance to watch her without seeming stalkerish. They spoke as little as possible in English, pretending that they were complete strangers.

Adalyn wished that she could get closer to him, but at the same time, didn't.

Sebastian knew that he wasn't just going to let her get away, and was content with this arrangement until he either planned how to kidnap her or planned a different way to get close to her.

Things were sped up for him in science, when the teacher assigned a large partner project. She was picking the partners.

...

_Not him,_ Adalyn prayed. _Anyone but him._ She hoped she would get with Ericka, but knew that probably wasn't going to happen.

The teacher began calling out the names. Neither her name, Ericka's name, or _his_ name was called at the beginning. Cameron's was, during the middle. He got paired up with a quiet boy in the class.

"Adalyn and..." The teacher called out. Adalyn's name was on the end of the paper. The teacher fumbled with it as she tried to get the the paper underneath. Meanwhile, Adalyn crossed her fingers and clenched her teeth, hoping that she wouldn't get _him_.

"Nick." She called. Adalyn let out the breath she was holding. Nick wasn't that bad. He was kind of friends with Cameron, but wasn't as mean as most of them.

She tuned out the rest of the names, but her attention was drawn back to the teacher when she called Ericka's name.

"Ericka and Sebastian."

Adalyn frowned. Did she hear that right? Judging from Ericka's evil grin at her from across the room, yes.

This was even worse than her having Sebastian as her partner. Ericka no doubt would be playing match maker during the next few weeks until the project was due.

...

Ericka "_yessssss_"ed inside her head. Adalyn may think she doesnt want a boyfriend, but she's getting one. She turned around in her seat to find Sebastian, but he was watching Adalyn. She wondered if that wasn't just because of the partner projects and it was more of just a habit for him.

He was helping to ease her conscience more and more with his behavior. She didnt want to set Adalyn up with someone if they were going to just break up, but everyday he was proved to her and he was a keeper.

...

_Ericka_.

He wanted Adalyn, but she would have to do. Maybe she could help him get closer to his subject of interest. They were friends, that was obvious by the looks they cast each other during class, having silent conversations with they're eyes that no one could understand except them. That and the fact that during every passing period and lunch they would walk together.

Who knows, maybe she would even help his case, if he explained the best he could that he genuinely liked Adalyn.

...

"Ericka, no," was all Adalyn said to her friend when the bell rang dismissing them for lunch.

Ericka grinned at her. "Yes."

Adalyn put on a pleading face. "Ericka, I don't want you to try and set us up. I don't want a relationship!"

Ericka's voice softened. "Why, Adalyn? He obviously really likes you, and you like him too, so why are you so opposed to getting close to him?"

Adalyn turner away. It wasn't just him. She didn't want any boy. She didn't believe love existed. According to older relatives, her parents used to have what some would call, "the perfect relationship." They said it was "love at first sight." But if that's true, then how did her parents end up in the state they were in now? Even if Sebastian really liked her, it couldn't last, because love just plain didn't exist, and after a while everything goes sour. She couldn't take any more pain then she already had stored up inside of her.

Ericka knew of her friends disposition, but thought that if she experienced love firsthand, it would help her. Ericka believed in love, and thought that Sebastian might help her friend believe too.

"Ericka, just please don't," Adalyn whispered. Ericka saw the how shiny her friends eyes were, a sign she was about to cry. Ericka reached out a hand to her friend, but Adalyn turned and walked away.

"I'm going to the bathroom," she said. Normally they went to the bathroom together (to make sure to toilet monster doesnt eat one of them, or so they told the teachers) but Ericka didn't think that following her friend this time would be appreciated.

...

Before Adalyn was even half way to the bathroom, the tears started to fall. She looked down and let her hair fall around her face to cover it. She kept her walk brisk and wrapped her arms around herself, as if to hold in the hurt.

Some people gave her pitied looks, and one girl asked if she was okay, to which she just nodded affirmative.

...

Sebastian saw her walking to the bathrooms, crying. Someone asked if she was okay, and she nodded even though she obviously wasn't.

Sebastian broke away from his group to follow her. Cameron gave him a knowing glance but didn't say anything.

When she had rounded the corner to the side of the wall where the bathrooms were, he jogged a little to close the remaining distance between the and wrapped her in a hug.

Adalyn knew immediately who it was. It could only be one person. Ericka could have followed her, but Ericka wasnt a head taller than her, Ericka didn't have a well muscled chest (good thing, it would be really creepy if she did), Ericka's arms couldn't reach as far around her as his could.

At first she just buried her face in his shirt, breathing in his Sebastian-y smell she had only smelled once before. She wanted to stay like this, but she knew that would only hurt her.

"You said you would leave me alone," she said into his chest.

"I lied."

She halfhearted pushed against his chest. "Let me go, I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

This only made her break down crying more. It's true, she wasn't fine. All of the pain she had kept bottled up inside for years seemed to all be flowing out now.

On her stalker's shirt. He had wiped away her tears once, and now he was doing it again.

Adalyn, who never cried in front of anyone, was bawling her eyes out in front of Sebastian once again. She hated it, but at the same time he was just so comforting. Despite his ominous air, when he held her in his arms she felt safe. She didn't understand it.

He rubbed her back and stroked her hair and whispered comforting things in her ear.

...

It had taken Adalyn half of lunch until she was okay. Once she had stopped crying, she still stayed against Sebastian until her breathing evened out and her mind was clear of worries enough to focus on less troubling things, such as food.

Only then did Sebastian let her out of his tight embrace. He held her at arms length away and put a hand on her cheek.

"Better?" He asked softly. Adalyn nodded. She wasn't completely healed, but that day's sorrows were already all out.

Sebastian smiled softly. "I think I do more for you then you give me credit for."

Adalyn knew that was true. He had earned her love, had given her all he's got to get her, and all she did was ignore him and reject him.

...

Adalyn eventually made it back to Ericka to eat. Sebastian weighed heavily on her mind. Maybe she should give him a chance. He definitely deserved it.

Ericka felt horrible.

"Adalyn, I'm sorry. I should have just let it be, I won't bring it up again," she apologized but Adalyn just held a hand up to stop her.

"It's okay. It wasn't really your fault, you were just trying to help and my feelings got in the way."

Ericka still felt bad but nodded anyway.

"And," Adalyn continued, "maybe I will give him a chance. He deserves it."

Almost all of Ericka's bad feelings melted and she practically jumped for joy. Ericka truly believed that this boy, however scary he seemed, could help her friend. She squealed and grabbed Adalyn's hands.

"I knew you would come around to it!" Ericka exclaimed, and Adalyn rolled her eyes.

"Go ahead and work your magic on him during this project."

Adalyn was still a little worried, but pushed it away. She would try, both for Ericka and Sebastian.


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm really sorry it's been a really long time since I've posted. What happened is my parents took my phone and found out through some of my old texts that I'm actually severely depressed and suicidal. So they took me to a mental hospital where I can't kill myself (I tried. The windows are bulletproof so I can't jump through them, the mirrors metal, the curtains fall off if you pull on them, and you can't stab a pencil through your wrist, I speak from experience). So I was there for 11 days, over twice the amount of days most people stay, got discharged, two days later ended up back in there for trying to hang myself. I was only there for 4 days this time. I got discharged, picked up major cutting habits and tried to hang myself again three days later. We're moving though so my parents decided I don't need to go back to the hospital. Two days later I tried to electrocute myself then ran away and had to be dragged home by the police.**

**So, fun times, fun times.**

**I'll give you some words of wisdom based off my experiences**

**1\. If you genuinely want to die and kill yourself don't tell people**

**2\. Don't overdose, it never works**

**3\. You jugular is under your chin, not across your neck. Stupid people.**

**4\. If you attack a police officer, don't tell people you will end up in jail**

**5\. If you kill someone, be smart and don't tell anyone**

**Okay, there we go. Words of wisdom. Take them to heart children.**

**I'll try to stay out of the hospital, for your guys' sake if anything. I put fanfictions down with my reasons to live along with get a tattoo and body piercings.**

**Anyways. To answer akakushinigami, yes, the character Ericka is based off the show I put up for school, and Adalyn is what I feel like inside. Writing this helps to get my feelings out besides self-harm.**

Adalyn laid in bed, awake. She couldn't stop thinking about the Sebastian issue. He deserved a chance, she knew that, but could she give him one?

Both of them were only going to get hurt. Love doesnt exist and people who try to force it only end up broken. Her heart couldn't take anymore damage.

Why did he care about her anyway? She wasn't particularly pretty. She had boring brown eyes and hair, both almost the same color. Her hair was longish, it went down to her elbows, but it was hella thick and clumpy with an abundance of split ends. Her nose was too wide and her mouth too big. She wasn't tall and glamorous. According to the meter stick on the wall in the doctors office, she was a grand total of 5'4". Her personality was boring, she was too shy to get to know anyone anyway. She wasn't even sure why Ericka stuck around. She wasn't funny, or particularly nice, or rudely sarcastic, she was just... Boring.

She had no talents. When she was little her parents put her in gymnastics but she was never really got very good at it. Now at her glorious age of 17 she could hit a ball with a tennis racquet into the net and throw a basketball at the backboard, but that's it. Her art skills consisted of being proficient at drawing potatoes and smiley faces. She could sing okay, she guessed, but she would never attempt a solo or anything. She tried piano when she was ten, but quit after the first book.

In her mind, she literally was the most boring person alive.

Somehow, within the first week of school, though, she had managed to catch the eye attractive, popular guy at school and she had no idea how.

But she didn't want a boyfriend. She was fine having her school life be nothing more than lunches with Ericka and homework. Boyfriends lead to drama, something she gets enough of at home.

...

Ericka weaved through glossy black science tables toward Sebastian. The class was supposed to split into partners now. Sebastian was waiting for her at his table, notebook open and ready. He made her nervous, but knew he couldn't be that bad if her anti-love friend saw something special in him. She remembered Adalyn telling her that she's willing to give him a shot, and had spent last night planning ways to get Adalyn and him together.

She sat down in the chair next to him and pulled out the sheet which explained the assignment. "Which parts do you what to do for the poster?"

He completely ignored the paper and smiled at him. It gave her the impression that he was flirting with her, even though he couldn't be. He likes Adalyn, right?

"Ericka, it's Ericka right?"

Ericka nodded.

"Good. I get the feeling you actually don't care about who types up Isaac Newton' birth, who types up his death, and who writes the laws of motion. Rather, you want to talk about Adalyn."

Ericka gave him a calculated look. "What makes you think that?"

He shrugged. "Well, she's sure as hell what I want to talk about."

"Yeah," Ericka asked cautiously, "about that. Why her?" She still believed he needed briefing before she let him loose with her friend.

Sebastian didn't miss a beat. "What, do you not think she's good enough for me?"

Ericka didn't think that at all. What she was worried about was if Adalyn was too good for Sebastian. "No, not at all. I'm just curious. There's tons of girls who might be 'more in your league'. Yet you have seemed to latched onto her. Oh, and by the way. I'm worried that you aren't good enough for her. She deserves only the best."

Sebastian was getting really tired for this question. He couldn't explain it to other people. Better to just evade it. "You think I would he better going with someone who's more of 'in my league?'"

"No, but if you're going to smash someone's heart to pieces, it's better you do it to someone at the top of the pecking order."

Sebastian grinned at her. "You consider me at the top of the pecking order?"

Ericka shrugged. "It's pretty obvious. You hang out with Cameron. But," she added the last part while looking at him from the corner of her eyes, "I think we both know that even when u weren't, you weren't in any real danger of being messed with."

Sebastian knew this. Sebastian knew that most people, even adults, don't like to fuck with him. People who knew who he was even more so. After all, he, a 17 year old, scared the shit out of the Clave.

"I promise I won't burn the school down," was all he said, though.

"Talking about science, I hope," the science teacher said from behind them, startling them.

Sebastian grinned. "Of course."

"Mmm-hmm," she said doubtfully as she walked away.

The interesting parts of the conversation died down from there, and Ericka and Sebastian moved on from Adalyn.

...

Adalyn could tell Sebastian and Ericka were talking about her. She could tell from Sebastian's face. She hadn't known him for very long yet, but she could have known him forever based off of her feelings for him. She had already picked up on how his face changes when he talks about her, get softer, somehow, and looses some of it's menace.

The light from the windows light up the side of his head, making some of the more rebellious locks of hair look almost transparent, and shined on his eyes. From here they looked flat black, but if she were to be as close as Ericka was, she knew that she would be able to discern pupil from iris.

The sunlight on the edge of his cheek washed out what little pigmentation he had, and a small crescent silvery scar shone near his eye.

His arms were covered in scars, too, as was his neck, and she assumed the rest of his body. Some were just faint silver or brown lines across his skin, barely visible, but some were more raised, made from much deeper cuts. These ones had a pale pink sheen too it. She wondered, and not for the first time, how he acquired so many. Most people had scars, she had one on her side from when she scraped it on the rough edge of an old in ground pool when she was little, and one on her toe from when a sharp rock cut her, and of course, the jagged lines on her thighs made with razor blades, scissors, pencil sharpener blades, etc.

But most people didn't have as many as him. He even had more than her; with her history of depression and self harm, that was quite a feat. Either he repeatedly went poking sticks at grizzly bears and then evading them nicely, or worked regularly at a construction site and had been foolhardy way to many times.

Sometimes she thought she even caught glimpses of inky black swirling tattoo designs covering him, but when she turns around to look again, they're always gone.

She felt herself draw closer too him as the days went on, and then kicking herself for it. He would not bring her happiness. Boyfriends did not bring happiness because you either married them or broke up with them, and she was only 17 and not in the least ready for marriage.

But boyfriends could be fun, if she didn't take it seriously enough and breakups were only mild disappointments. What she was afraid with him was that she would like him too much, and the breakup would be devastating. She could already feel herself gravitating toward him.

...

Sebastian pulled Adalyn aside at lunch.

Sebastian didn't even go to his group. He saw someone named Jake who he hung out with sometimes, and said hi, but didn't walk with him to their table.

Adalyn had just pulled out her tuna sandwich and had only taken one bite when he walked up behind her and pulled her away from a grinning Ericka.

"I feel like you set your best friend on me." His eyes were serious but his mouth hinted a held back smile.

Adalyn shrugged. "Guilty."

"So you decided to give me a chance?"

Adalyn shrugged again without answering. She looked down. He stared intently at her. Adalyn guessed she was, but when it came down to it, the thought of dating him terrified her. She had hoped for more time and didn't like that he figured her out so quickly.

"Well?" He asked. His black eyes made her uncomfortable. It felt they were staring into her soul.

She looked up. "I don't want to talk about this now." She didn't know what else to say. She was desperate for a subject change. She wanted to talk to him, but this particular conversation terrified her.

She turned to walk away with her hair covering her face, but he grabbed her arm and pinned her back against the wall.

Sebastian's temper had flared. "No. I need an answer. I really like you, but I would like to know if I need to give up on you or not." Like hell he would ever give up on her. "Don't you fucking dare leave me hanging."

Adalyn cringed away from him. She always felt fragile and vulnerable, and he was scaring her.

"Yes!" She exclaimed, talking before her brain had a chance to catch up and get and jittery on her. "Yes, I'm giving you a chance. I really like you too and I would love to be together with you and I would love to kiss you all day but I'm scared!"

She gasped at what she had said. Sebastian smiled triumphantly and Adalyn broke down crying.

"Addie," Sebastian tilted her face up with his hands. "What are you scared of?" He spoke softly and slowly, calming her down a little.

Adalyn's cheeks burned. She didn't mean to say that much. "You hurting me."

Sebastian X'ed his chest. "I swear on my life I won't hurt you. And if I do I give you a free pass to punch me in the face. As hard as you like."

Adalyn looked up at him through shiny eyes. "Promise?"

"Promise."

Adalyn lifted on hand up and pulled Sebastian's face toward hers in a kiss.


	9. Chapter 9

**So, I'm late, **_**again! **_**I swear if I were a period, some poor girl would be scared shitless every month. **

**So, you know what that means, EXCUSE TIME!**

**Well, you see, I started hearing voices who told me to kill myself so I tried to shove a fork up my jugular, then I went to the hospital, then I got out and tried to drink face soap because it said, DO NOT CONSUME, on it. Seriously, it was written just like that, but it lied. I drank it (nastiest shit ever) and I didn't die and nothing happened, so I tried to hang myself but my parents walked in, that wasn't fun, and then I tried to eat dusting spray, because, again, it said something like don't eat this, but nothing happened again.**

**So, that's why I didn't post earlier.**

**Buuttttt, then I got COHF from Target and so now I can't die until I finish that because I will be a seriously bummed ghost if I don't get to find out what happens to Sebastian. **

**And if none of those excuses are good enough for you (pshh, attempted suicide 9 times? Should've been fine to write, weakling), I have more. My friend stole an apple off one of our teacher's desk and ate it right in front of her. I applauded her so hard through text my hands fell off into a bloody mesh at my feet and then were eaten by Carl the llama so I had to wait until I regrew them until I could type again. **

***talk show host voice* and that's the end of the Lauren's Excuses show! Stay tuned, for right after the break we will treat you to a VIP tour of a Lobsters Uterus on Fox 666 news.**

Sebastian sipping fine wine on his bed, watching TV. He was celebrating his success with Adalyn. She had come along quite nicely. He was very pleased with her. It wouldn't be long until she would be in this bed next to him, and he could ultimately claim her as his prize.

Something in the back of his brain began scolding him for thinking of her as an object, and he didn't know where it came from. It scared him, to tell the truth. Since when did he think of people as _actual human beings? _If he started doing that, who knows what would come next? Remorse for killing the innocent? He shuddered, thinking what Valentine would do to him if he knew what was going through Sebastian's mind at the moment.

Sebastian brushed it aside. He would not let it ruin his good mood. He went back to watching _Access Hollywood_. Carrie Underwood and Taylor were at it again, and Beyonce and Jay-Z were suing someone for something about Blue Ivy.

_Soon._

…..

Jace closed his fists around Clary's hands and looked into her eyes.

"Now's the part where you make some long sentimental speech and then vow to kill my brother," Clary said.

Jace shook his head, "As much as I would love to be the one thrust a knife into the side of Sebastian and feel the blade slide between his ribs and into some vital organ, I won't vow to kill him, because I'm afraid you'll beat me, and what would become of me then?"

Clary giggled like a little girl, she normally wasn't the type to do that, but Jace tended to bring out sides of her she's never seen before. She stood on her very tip toes and stretched a kiss up to his jaw. Jace playfully kissed her back and Clary giggled again.

She sighed. She knew better than to think the happiness would last. It never would, at least not while _that thing _she was unfortunately related to was out there.

"_We'll _kill him," she promised.

Jace smiled maliciously, showing off his chipped incisor, "I'll beat the shit out of him and then hold him down and you can very slowly carve out his intestines!"

Isabelle threw a high heeled shoe at him from somewhere. "Jace!" she scolded, "Don't scare the children!"

"What children," he grumbled, but was still smiling.

…..

Meanwhile, Adalyn wasn't having as hot a time as the Shadowhunters.

Her parents had started arguing again, and she was curled up in her closet with an exactor knife. The pain from cutting was helping a little bit, but not as much as she would have liked. And cutting still left her brain wide open for catastrophizing (a cognitive distortion, says my shrink and the mental hospital staff).

She heard something smash.

_Why am I alive?_

Her mom yelled something insulting at her dad.

_I only cause trouble for everyone._

The sharp boom of wood being snapped echoed around the house.

_I should have never been born._

The blood from her cuts trickled down her arm.

_Maybe it'll fix things if I die_

She hesitantly pressed the edge of the knife under her chin. If she wondered if she shoved it in there if it would hit her jugular, or if she would miss.

_I fuck everything up. I deserve to die._

She pressed the blade closer. Her skin bent in where it pressed.

_I should die._

A small cut formed.

Tears flowed down her cheeks, smearing her mascara.

_This is the end…_

…..

Inquisitor Whiteclaw (I'm not sure who the inquisitor was at the end of COLS, and this is the only one I can remember. I'm pretty sure it's from Infernal Devices but fuck it. They change all the time. Maybe there's another Whiteclaw who became the inquisitor) paced his office. He checked the map again. The little flashing dot in Austin, Texas marking where the recently discovered Angel girl was, still hadn't moved. As soon as the head of the local institute, Ms. Blackcliffe, got a hunch there was someone with angelic tendencies near, he had sent out a group of Shadowhunters to investigate and bring whoever Blackcliffe was talking about to the bone city. So far no one has been found. He was getting anxious. This could be time searching for Sebastian. If Blackcliffe was wrong, he would be pissed.

…..

Adalyn took one more deep breath and was about to shove the blade up under her chin when her closet door was thrown open and someone wearing some sort of thick black clothing hastily pulled the knife out of her hands. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her out of the closet.

He dropped her down and stared at her. In the better lighting, she could see he was about middle aged with salt and pepper hair.

"What's your name?" he demanded. Adalyn, pissed that her suicide attempt was interrupted, refused to answer.

…..

One of Sebastian's dark shadowhunters knocked urgently on his door. Sebastian groaned, but got up to answer the door.

"What," he demanded. His servant's face was very distressed.

"M'lord! The clave is at Adalyn's!"

Sebastian was dressed, armed, and out the door in five minutes.

…..

Adayn's room was soon filled up with armed shadowhunters, all questioning her, and conferring with each other, trying to decide to continue to attempt to interrogate her or just take her straight to people called "the silent brothers."

All Adalyn wanted to do was die. She curled up in the fetal position on the floor of her room in the middle of all of the strange people and cried, having a very blown out pity party.

Adalyn's parents' argument covered up all of the extra noise.

Suddenly Sebastian leaped through her window, followed by a group of heavily-weapon clad people. Everyone was wearing the same black clothes.

Adalyn blinked at the pale blur which was Sebastian, miserably. He was waving around some sort of glowing stick. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, and realized that actually it was a glowing sword. She was too depressed to be surprised. It suited him very well. She thought he looked very handsome in the moonlight, if a bit blurred by tears.

…..

"No one touches her!" Sebastian said firmly at the Clave's crew. His eyes were dark and murderous, and he was ready to kill. How dare they try to take away his joy! Adalyn was _his. _She had basically confirmed that at lunch. He had a small army behind him, and he was willing to spend every last one of their lives to save her from the hated Clave. Who knows what they would do to her!

He held his seraph blade steady, waiting for someone to make a move toward her.

Sebastian and the Clave's shadowhunters faced off for a span of seconds, but it could have been hours. It was finally broken when one of the Clave's leaped out and grabbed Adalyn, falling through a portal to take her to Idris.

Now, Sebastian was not very happy with this. In fact, he was so not happy about losing Adalyn that he cornered the rest of the shadowhunters and brutally chopped up half, and Turned the rest.

When he was done with that, his fit of rage was not over so he killed some of his own just for the hell of it.

**I actually don't really like the way I wrote this chapter, but I cant figure out how to fix it. **

**Also, I would like to thank everyone for their support. I'm going through kind of a tough time right now and every comment helps. I'm hoping to stay out of the hospital and stay alive from now on. I love you all.**

**On an unrelated note, my family recently moved, and my favorite part of this new house is my attached bathroom because that means not only can I take a shit and grunt as loud as one would possibly want to grunt while shitting, but I can also do it with the door wide open.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Good news, I had a few days! I haven't tried to kill myself since Saturday. Call me crazy (well, I kinda am) but I think I was possessed because Saturday night I had someone perform an exorcism on me and I've been better since then, and this whole suicidal shebang started about the same time I started messing around with evil spirits and shit.**

**But the point is I've been feeling better. All of you have been great and supportive and I survived! **

Adalyn's eyes cracked open to reveal lacy floral curtains. Early morning light streamed through them, illuminating the unfamiliar room. Her blanket was made of a matching floral pattern printed on thick fabric. Light gleamed off the shiny hard-wood floors. There was a cupboard-looking dresser next to a matching desk in the corner of the room.

Although it was bare enough to be a hotel room, everything seemed comfortable enough, but it wasn't home.

She sat up in bed, tipping her head back to lean against the floral wallpaper, and recalled the events of that night.

She was going to kill herself. That was the only thing certain. Everything else seemed so improbable, she would have thought it were a dream if it wasn't for the room. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion as she prepared to cut her jugular and bleed out enough of her blood to die, and then her closet door opened to strange people. They were armed, she knew that, but she didn't know why. They obviously were coming for her, she didn't know the reason behind that either, but she wasn't dangerous. They wouldn't have needed anything besides their hands to capture her. She was only…

Adalyn, the mess up, the unfortunate accident, the quiet girl in the back of the class or the corner of the lunch room. She was ordinary, not in any way special. The only one who find her likeable enough to hang around with was Ericka, but that was just because they had been friends since elementary school, and because Ericka always hung around her, she didn't have any friends outside of Adalyn.

And then there was Sebastian.

The intimidating, hot, mysterious popular guy who found something about her boring personality appealing. He made her feel special, even though she knew she wasn't. He made her feel important. He just made life better.

But for some reason, those people wanted to take her away from him. He came to rescue her, like the knight in shining armor he was in her eyes, and as soon as he showed up, they got scared and whisked her away through the swirling vortex that made her insides all jumbled and plopped her out somewhere else.

_They had taken her away from Sebastian. _They _must _be bad guys.

She remembered Sebastian popping up through her window in all his dark glory. For some reason she remembered his arms covered in tattoos, although she had never seen them before.

He also was holding some kind of glowing sword.

She guessed she would never know who he was.

…..

"Who is she?" the consul asked.

Inquisitor Whiteclaw shook his head in response. "Who knows? She doesn't look like anything special, and she's obviously got issues, but the amount of angelic power she has is incredible. Sebastian Morgenstern wanted her for a reason. We were lucky to get her out."

Consul Jia scratched her chin. "Does she know what she's capable of?"

"We don't know. She didn't make any move to stop either us or Sebastian, but she also was in a very bad mental state of mind. Let me go check on her."

The Inquisitor mounted the stair and began the climb to the girl's room.

When he got there, he cracked the door and poked his head through. To his surprise, she was awake, and sitting up in bed.

Adalyn turned to face the strange man with white tuffs of hair on the sides of his head, and a scruffy beard. "Why did you take me away from Sebastian?" she asked.

Whiteclaw was taken aback. What did she just say?

"You…" he swallowed, "you're familiar with Sebastian Morgenstern?"

Adalyn nodded. "He was helping me."

Oh. The situation was worse than the Inquisitor thought. "Helping you? How so?"

"With my self-esteem. He," she brought her hands up to her mouth. She was blushing a little. "He made me feel wanted, and important."

Oh dear. Sebastian had time to mess with her mind. He wondered why he didn't just take her away the first time he saw her. "How did he do that?"

"He…" Adalyn blushed and turned away. "It's none of your business," she mumbled.

Inquisitor Whiteclaw stepped farther into the room. "No, it is our business. We need to know what he did to you. He was just using you, you know that, right?"

"No…" Adalyn felt crushed. Of course he was just using her. He wouldn't _actually _like her. No one likes her. She felt tears spring up in her eyes, but she pushed them back. "All we did was kiss! That's it, we didn't go any farther, and he wasn't pressuring me to. All he was, was nice."

The Inquisitor frowned. Were they talking about the right Sebastian? "Sebastian Morgenstern? The one in your room last night?"

Adalyn nodded fiercely.

Whiteclaw frowned. He didn't know what to do with this information. What was Sebastian trying to get out of this relationship?

He decided the best thing to do would be to contact those who know Sebastian the best to try to decode his motives.

A fire message was sent to Jace and Clary in minutes.

…..

"He's lonely."

Inquisitor Whiteclaw leaned forward. Did he hear that correctly? "Pardon?"

Clary adjusted the scarf around her neck. "Sebastian Morgenstern is lonely," she said with an air of finality.

Whiteclaw didn't believe it. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but, Sebastian Morgenstern, the most evil, devious, and dangerous person out there, collected somebody with unimaginable angelic power, because he wanted some company."

Jace nodded his head. "Yes. Remember back when he took me and put a bonding rune on me to make me think like he did?"

"Yes."

"Well, half of the reason for that was simply because he didn't want to be alone. I mean, think about it, he's out there, somewhere, by himself, with only a demon, and a small army of warriors without any personality. There's still some part of him that's human, and he gets lonely."

"Also, because she has angel blood in her, who knows how she got it, he is drawn to her just the same way he's drawn to me. That's why he goes so far out of his way to get to me. But here, he finds a ripe, juicy girl who creates the same draw to her as he gets to me, just ready for picking. She's ignorant of the Clave, knows nothing of his past, and all the horrors he's done. Of course he wants her. And he can act like a gentleman, believe me, he had me fooled when he played Sebastian Verlac. He's trying to get close to her, because he wants her to be with him. He doesn't understand love very well, but he does understand desire. She's just as good as me, but easier to get. And that's not counting the power she'll give him once she's completely fallen into his trap," Clary added.

…

Lilith had given Sebastian a special ring, which allowed him to transport anywhere he wanted within the dimension he was in. Sebastian decided then would be a great time to use that ring.

He had demonic runes which allowed him to watch what was going on with the shadowhunters. He watched the Inquisitor question Adalyn. As soon as he left, he twisted the ring and was transported in a flash into Adalyn's room.

Adalyn was beside herself to see him.

"Sebastian!" she exclaimed happily.

A little something in him warmed with the thought of someone finding him suddenly in her room a pleasant surprise, instead of a surprised followed by feelings of hate.

He put his finger too his lips. "Shhh, they can't know I'm here. I can only visit you for a little bit, then I have to go. But I want to make sure you were okay. They're not being mean to you?" He knew the Clave could be harsh, especially if they thought Adalyn was with him.

Adalyn shook her head, and the rush of relief that followed surprised him.

She climbed out of bed and moved to where he stood at the foot of it to embrace him. Sebastian hugged her back with such fierceness it surprised even him.

It seemed that day was full of surprises.

When she let go Sebastian grabbed her face between his palms, lifting it upward to face him. "I'm going to get you out of here. I'm going to get you back home. Don't you worry." He finished it off with a kiss on the nose.

He glanced at the door. The Inquisitor had to be talking to someone about what he got out of Adalyn by now.

Sebastian put a hand behind her head. "Listen, I'm going to leave now, but I'll be back soon. By tomorrow at the latest."

Adalyn nodded. She stretched up and planted a kiss on his mouth as a goodbye gift. She would be strong, if not for herself for head. She knew she had only met him a week and a half ago, but it seemed since then her life had been better. He made her happy.

Sebastian gave her one last squeeze before he ducked out the door, closing it firmly behind him.

…..

Sebastian peeked his head through the door of the Inquisitor's office just in time to watch him jump through a portal to the New York institute. From what it looked like, he was going into the library, probably to talk to Maryse.

Sebastian pictured the small alcove right outside the library door, and with a twist of his ring and a flash, he was there.

It was quite small, that little alcove, but it was hidden in the shadows, and was a great place to sit and listen to conversations going on in the vast library of the New York institute.

And shadows were important for hiding Sebastian. It didn't matter how much black he wore, his white hair still somehow always managed to catch light. It had gotten him caught by Valentine many time's when he was little.

He pulled his legs to his chest and hunched over, making sure his hair was in the darker of the shadows cast. He was wearing gear, for a few reasons; fighting, if it came to that, hiding, and there was no way he would fit if he were wearing jeans.

He peered out into the hallway leading to the library. To his surprise, it wasn't Maryse that walked in through the large, oak double doors, but his siblings. Clary, his dear sister, her fiery hair bouncing in its ponytail, went in first, followed by Jace.

He placed a hearing rune on and waited for them to start talking.

"I have gained some disturbing knowledge through my talk with the angel girl," started the Inquisitor. "It seems she is very familiar with Sebastian Morgenstern. In fact, I believe they are lovers.

Sebastian scoffed. _Disturbing Knowledge. _Fucking shadowhunter, he hated how stuck up they were. It was _disturbing _to them for someone with angel blood to feel any sort of positive feelings toward him. It could just be due to all of the things he's done in the past, but he had a feeling that it had more to do with his demonic heritage. For centuries they had hunted downworlders because they weren't like them. Even with the accords, there is still much prejudice. And they wondered why him and his father wanted to overthrow them, wipe the slate clean. They thought they were _essential _to the well-being of the world, but there had been a time before them, and he would show them that there could be a time after.

"I called you because I hoped you would be able to help me in discerning his intentions, since both of you had spent some time living with him."

Clary spoke up. "He's lonely."

Sebastian listen to the rest of the conversation with interest. He was surprised at how well his siblings knew him, and slightly disgusted at how they could twist even things he had done and planned with at least somewhat good intentions and make it seem as if he were the bad guy.

When it seemed pretty much wrapped up, he decided it was time he stepped in.

…..

Adalyn hated being left being. At first she assumed when Sebastian meant he had to go, he meant he was going to poof away back to his house, but when he left out the door, Adalyn grew suspicious.

She waited until his footsteps were almost gone, before sneaking out the door after him. She emerged just in time to see him disappear around the corner. She lightly padded down the hall after him.

She quietly followed him down some stairs, and watched him peek his head through the door to someone's office. Keeping her footing light, she walked up behind him, sneaking through the door of the office after him. She was surprised he didn't see her; his mind must had been preoccupied with something else.

He drew something on the wall with a strange glass stick, and a glassy circle appeared. It showed carpeted hallway leading to large oak double doors. He leaped through the circle, leaving the surface rippling. Just as it was about to close shut, Adalyn jumped through after him.

She felt as if she was being dissembled, piece by piece, and then all of the scattered parts of her body being slammed together again. It was not a pleasant feeling, and she almost blacked out.

When the darkness receded from her vision, she found herself in the same hallway she saw in the circle on the wall. Sebastian was forcing himself into a small alcove. Adalyn took the diversion created by himself and rushed around the corner of the hallway where she could be hidden from sight.

…..

Clary and Jace were just finishing their conference with the Inquisitor when no one other than Sebastian Morgenstern stepped through the doors.

The effect was immediate. All three of those under the Clave drew weapons and held them ready.

Sebastian put up his hands to try and calm them. "Whoa, whoa, I'm just here to talk. See?" he held up his hands so his shirt lifted up for them to see his bare belt. "I'm unarmed."

None of them relented and put their swords down. "How do we know you don't have a knife hidden in your boot?" Clary asked accusingly with a pointed look down at his shoes.

"Well, yeah, I do, but that's only for emergencies. I don't have any big weapons on me. I swear on the angel, I just came to talk."

The Inquisitor began to lower his seraph blade, but Jace and Clary knew his promises meant nothing.

"Look, I didn't come to fight. I mean, what are the odds, me and a small dagger against the three of you. Doesn't seem very practical, does it. So why don't you put those away, and we can have a conversation like normal, civilized people."

That got them to lower their weapons, but not without Jace muttering, "You're not a normal person, let alone civilized."

Sebastian smiled wolfishly. "There. Clarissa, I'm impressed with your ability to make anything I do sound evil malicious. I was not 'just getting close to her to make her fall into my trap.' You're right, I am lonely, endarkened don't make very good companions considering they don't have personalities, and I was merely looking for a companion. You snatched her away before I got to explain to her everything she's getting into."

"You weren't being honest with her. There's no way she could like your true self, for it's unlovable," Clary spat at him.

"That's not very nice, dear sister. Just because you have a hard time loving me doesn't mean everyone else will."

Jace piped up next. "Once she know's all you've done, she'll hate you. What you've done is unforgivable."

Sebastian frowned at them. "Oh, dear. This conversation isn't going the way I hoped. Let's not play Let's all Hate on Poor Sebastian. What I wanted to discuss was, yes, I'm lonely, and I want her back. I'm giving you a chance to hand her over before I storm your beloved city and kill you all and then take her, and we can ride off into the sunset on a war chariot so we don't get our designer shoes sticky with all the spilt shadowhunter blood on the ground."

The Inquisitor looked pale, but Clary went on, unaffected. "Sebastian, we need to keep what's best for her in mind to, that might be hard for you considering thinking about other people's needs goes against you nature, but, what if she doesn't want to be with you once she finds out who you are. I know how you are, and even if she doesn't, you won't let her go."

"If you explain what happened to her, she wont. 'And then meanie Sebastian came and killed everyone for his own selfish reasons, like he wants to be King of the World.'"

"That's kind of exactly what happened," Jace said dryly.  
Sebastian shrugged. "Well, kind of. If we're talking about the Mortal War when I came and killed everyone, that wasn't just for my own selfish reasons. Mainly I was only doing it because Valentine told me to, and if I disobeyed him he beat me. And if we're talking about Burren, I didn't kill _everybody..._"

Clary cut in, "You did Turn a lot of innocent people, and that's basically killing them."

…..

Adalyn had her ear pressed to the door, listening in on the conversation. She felt sick.

She could tell right from the start that Sebastian had a shady past, but she had no idea _how _shady. He seemed so nice, but here he was talking about killing people as nonchalantly as one might discuss the weather.

She had just kissed a murder!

And not only that, she couldn't believe he hadn't told her. Yes, they hadn't known each other for very long, but he _promised _he wouldn't hurt her. _He promised!_

Although, she assumed his promises didn't mean much.

Every new revelation felt like a kick to the chest.

Who was he?

….. 

"Yeah, but if we go back and look at _why _I was doing that, a lot of it is because of thing's I can't help. My demon blood, which makes it harder to make good choices, my upbringing, etc."

Jace had a look of disgust on his face. "So what you're trying to say is nothing you did was really your fault."

Sebastian shrugged again. "It kind of wasn't. Yeah, I did choose to make those choices, no one was forcing me, but unlike dear daddy dearest, I didn't just wake up one day and said 'today I am going to kill a bunch of shadowhunters.'" He paused. "Actually, I have done exactly that, but what I mean is I have a lot of factor's playing into why I did it."

"But you can't undo what you did," Clary said. "Just because you had a screwed up childhood and Valentine experimented on you and it turned out for the worst doesn't change anything you did. The people you killed still are dead."

"But it should change the amount of blame on me, and I'm not trying to change the things I've done, a side effect of the demon blood is I don't regret things, especially things like killing innocent children, like that Lightwood kid," Jace flinched, "but what I am trying to get at is if you explain it correctly, there's a possibility that she won't hate me afterward. In fact, she might pity me. I don't know why none of you do-"

Jace raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

Sebastian looked sincere. "Yeah, I don't. _I _would probably pity me if I wasn't the way I was, I mean, I don't know for sure. I'm kind of in a pity-less state at the current moment, and every moment since I was born to the day I die, but I can see reasons for other people to pity me."

Clary scoffed. "Sebastian," she said, "you are completely lost in your own world. I would suggest you get out of here, before I lose my temper and attack you."

"Wait," Sebastian put his hand out frantically for her to stop, "I'm not done yet. I feel like-" he was cut off as Isabelle walked in, her hand around Adalyn's arm, dragging her behind.

Adalyn looked near tears, and Sebastian felt a lump of dread settle in his stomach.

"I found a little sneaky-" Isabelle started, but cut herself off when she saw Sebastian. She dropped Adalyn's arm and uncurled her whip from her wrist, lashing it out at Sebastian.

Sebastian, who was leaning against an arm chair, stood up straight, startled. He jumped back, but not fast enough. Isabelle's whip sliced through his shirt and left a long red line across his chest. It soon began oozing blood, quickly soaking his clothes.

"Wait, stop!" he said, putting his hands out, but Isabelle wasn't about to listen to him. She had revenge on her mind.

She snarled and jumped after him. Sebastian ran behind Hodges old desk and flipped a chair out in Izzy's way. She leaped over it with ease. All of her training was paying off.

Jace ran in front of her and tried to stop her, but she just pushed him away.

Somewhere along the way, Sebastian had pulled out the dagger in his boot. He held it in front of him defensively. Isabelle ignored it and lunged for it again.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Sebastian saw her whip flying toward his neck, and in a moment of panic, he released his dagger. He was too good. The weapon met its mark, and embedded itself in her chest, just as her whip wrapped around Sebastian.

Isabelle dropped her whip, luckily for Sebastian, and it released its tension and dropped to his feet. An expression of shock was on her face as she fell to her knees, one of her hands went to her breast where the knife stuck. Blood began pouring out of the wound. Somewhere in the background someone screamed. Isabelle made one last gurgling noise before falling flat on her face.

She was dead.

Sebastian was shell shocked. He didn't mean to kill her, especially not in front of Adalyn. He started at her corpse, watched Jace and Clary swarm her. The Inquisitor, Sebastian forgot he was there, pointed a shaky finger at him and said something not very nice.

Adalyn, her face completely white, put a hand to her mouth. Sebastian and her locked eyes for a moment, his filled with sorrow, and hers betrayal. She turned and ran into the hallway, where she knelt and vomited up everything last thing in her stomach.

**Sorry for killing Izzy, I love her, and I'm not even sure how that happened. I just started typing and then bam she was dead and I was like whoops. But I think I might keep it. **

_**REEEEEEEVVIEEEEWWWWW! JPLEASE! DO IT FOR THE RANDOM J**_


	11. Chapter 11 add on

**Okay, a quick reply to Guest for this review**

"**Okay obviously you're an attention whore who needs serious help and your story sucks. It's so OOC that it isn't even enjoyable. You need to work on your grammar as well."**

**Well, RANT TIME! Attention whore, I hate that word. I am an attention whore because I tell my sob story to the internet, real reason I do to get it out, I kind of use these author's notes as a journal, but to an outsider, it understandably could be misunderstood that I'm telling it to get sympathy. Or help, something you (guest who wrote the review) said I need. You guys have been amazing, helping me to get up, giving me reasons to live * (someone, pretty sure Wednesday101 but I could be wrong, said I need to stay alive to get laid. Although my parents would not agree with it, a great reason to stay alive. Getting laid is awesome (I don't know personally, I am a virgin, (gasp, a virgin writing a romance, what are you doing, you have no experience. To this I say, the imagination is a wonderful thing my friends ;) (what then hell, parenthesis inside parenthesis inside parenthesis, parenthesis-ception)) but I have non-virgin friends who say it's great. And even if you've already been laid, there's nothing wrong with getting laid again. And again. And again. Shhh, don't tell my parents I feel this way) (way to many parenthesis where am I even continuing my sentence from. I'll put a * sign to tell you)) . (The Lone Period, the sequel to The Lone Ranger. Johnny Depp stars as the period. He had to fight a lady who hit puberty really late, and then was always pregnant so she only had to deal with her period once, for the part. He won by getting some of her 102 kids on his side by bribing them with autographs.)**

**Okay, sorry, I got lost in whatever the fuck I was doing with the many side stories. I'm going to start over.**

**I hate the word attention whore. People who are "attention whores" are people who say stuff (I'm so ugly) just to get attention, or compliments, or whatever. A girl posts, "Ugh, I hate my hair, it's so ugly" gets comments calling her an attention whore among the comments, "but your hair is so pretty." So maybe she doesn't actually think her hair is ugly, and just wanted to be told it looks good. So what. Everyone can use compliments. Everyone has insecurities. If someone posts something like that, they clearly have something they aren't okay with about their self, and would could use some praise. Instead of writing, "I want compliments about my hair," they write "my hair is ugly." Yes, it's a little annoying, but if they are insecure enough to go to that tactic, the last thing they need is being called some derogatory name. In the movie, "Cyberbully" (one of my favs) the main character, Taylor, was talking to the gay guy who was bullied for being gay. She says something about how she feels that it hurts more being called a slut when she isn't one, than it would be to be called a homo if she actually was gay. I can't remember the actual quote, but he replies something about how it doesn't matter if it's true or not what theyre (the bullies) are saying, it still hurts. **

**It's the same thing with "attention whore." It's embarrassing to have something youre doing (obviously I mean something negative) being pointed out. Yes, it's true she (the girl who originally posted my hypothetical post) was being an "attention whore," but it's still not nice to point it out. She needs some love about her hair, give her some love. The best way to help her is to give her what she needs.**

**That word, "needs", could be controversial. Maybe she's the most popular girl at school. Maybe she's dating the football quarterback and has gorgeous, perfectly straight, thick long blonde hair that can be done up beautifully and easily in a million different ways, or could be left alone and still look just as good. And she knows it. Does she really **_**need **_**another compliment on her hair?**

**The answer is yes. Obviously if she's posting something an "attention whore" would post about her hair (oh, it's just so ugly), she has some insecurity (my hair's so straight and limp, so and so has beautiful curly brown hair with lots of body, she's so much prettier than me) and needs some reinforcement compliments.**

**Or maybe she has some other insecurity (my tan skin with my blonde hair looks like I'm that fake bitch so and so who gets way to many spray tans (even though that "fake bitch" gets spray tans because she's insecure about her own skin tone, and now that she's tanner feels better about herself)) and is using her pretty hair to get compliments, any compliments, to help boost her self-esteem in general.**

**What it narrows down to is everyone has insecurities. Be nice, don't purposely say mean things, and compliment people even if youre sure they don't need it. Everyone can use a compliment. Maybe it'll just bounce off, maybe it will sink in and stay with that person forever as an opinion from an outsider. I have a forever ongoing challenge to compliment at least one person every day. It's a great challenge, I think everyone should try it. Compliments can be something stupid ("I want to marry your snowsuit." What the fuck was I thinking,) or something meaningful (I really love the way youre always smiling. You may not see it but it really lights up the room. Whenever you come it, everything becomes a little bit better for everyone just because your showing off your pearly whites.) Compliment the nine year old girl in front of you in line for your theatre ticket on her dress. Trust me, pre-teens love getting compliments from teenagers. I have a ten year old little sister, I know. Compliment the little girl on her frilly bikini at the pool. Compliment the elderly man at your parents work Christmas party on his cool socks. Compliment the mom with two little toddlers running around her and hanging on her legs on her hair. Compliment people your age. It doesn't matter who.**

**Everyone, and I mean everyone is beautiful in at least some way. Some people's beauty is more apparent than others, but **_**no one **_**is "ugly," another word I hate. I challenge you, next time you see someone who you don't think is very attractive, stop, and take another look. Really **_**look **_**at them, and I guarantee you, you will find something attractive about them. The longer you look them, if youre looking with a truly open mind, their "ugliness" will start to fade away and you'll start noticing their good traits.**

**The same thing goes with inner beauty. No one is mean through and through. Some people have more inner beauty than others, but no one is "ugly," even inside. Everyone has some good personality traits about them. Even that weird loser kid who makes all of those jokes that aren't even funny. Even that sexist popular guy who loves "slap ass Friday" and goes through girls like water. Even Justin Beiber (Somewhere). If you look, it's there, I promise.**

**Even Sebastian. I assume he's what you were talking about when you said "[your story] is so OOC it isn't even enjoyable." (if youre talking about chapter six, sorry, I don't even have anything to say for that monstrosity. Sometimes I just get in these moods.) Yes, Sebastian isn't the same here (this fic) as he is in the book. Or is he? The Mortal Instruments, as much as I love them, only show one side of Sebastian, (I'm thinking of him as a real person who's rounded and different sides, even though he's fictional. Come on guys, were in the fandom world, every character is just as real as nonp-fictional people to us) which is the villain. The bad guy.**

**But what about COLS? That's my favorite book in the whole series because it shows behind enemy lines. It gives the most evidence to Sebastian's soft side. Remember in Paris? I can't remember exactly how it all came together, but somehow Sebastian and Clary ended up alone together on Paris's streets. He gave her his scarf, settled her down on a park bench and made his scarf into a pillow for her, carried her, etc. She asked about his family, and he answered fully.**

**You may think Sebastian doesn't have a soft side because of his demon blood, but that isn't true. He isn't just all hard warrior. COLS, page 354, "'I like it here,' Sebastian said, following her gaze, 'because it's as if you were in a past century. No noise of cars, no neon lights. Just – peaceful.'" That right there is a glimpse into Sebastian's humanity. He is more than what he is mostly displayed as. Sorry, this example probably doesn't display it as perfectly as it could, but when I opened the book this is the first one I saw.**

**Yes, I am probably displaying him as a little softer than what he actually is, but I'm trying my best. Be patient with me. Also remember, I am viewing Sebastian through a veil of bias. I love him so much and want so badly for him to be lovable. Please keep that in mind before making comments like "[your story] is so OOC it isn't even enjoyable." Also keep in mind before you make comments like that, that if youre going off the book, it's also written through veil of bias. It is all told through Clary's perspective, and sometimes Jace's or Jocelyn's or whatever. It doesn't mattter exactly who, just that it is always through someone who hates Sebastian. Please keep that in mind too. **

**Sorry I don't have a chapter for you yet. I know, I haven't updated in FOREVER. I'm so sorry. I'm partway through chapter 11. I wrote half, and then I stopped and didn't open my computer in forever. I was over at Akakushinigami's house and I was like, "oh yeah my fanfiction," so I pulled it up on my phone and I saw that review and I was like OH HELLLLLL NO BITCH. Posting this was important to me, and this was a little long, even by my standards, to just put as a little something before the actual chapter. I know, were not supposed to put author's notes as whole chapters, whatever, just please don't flag me. I felt this was important to get out, even though I don't have the chapter finished.**

**Okay, I had COLS open, and I just looked over and saw this and I was like OMFGHWOIEMJFIOPWMEIOPOVM and I feel I need to put it very strongly.**

**It's page 355, at the bottom of the page. "'Well, let me ask you something now,' Sebastian said. 'Do you think you can forgive me? I mean, do you think forgiveness is possible for someone like me?'"**

**POIWJOKMOIWMIOFHIEOWJFKSD YES SEBASTIAN, YES I DO THINK SO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IOWJEOIFOIPVMOIWHAIOJF SO DOES ADALYN SHE THINKS SO TO SHE DOES FORGIVE YOU JUST NOT RIGHT NOW BUT DON'T WORRY SHE LOVES YOUOIWJIFOWIWIJIOWJFOIW I LOVE YOU TOO IOWJEIOFMIOVWIEO SO MUCH OIWMEOIFMWOI SO MIOWMEOIFMEIOW MUCH EWIOFOIWEMVOI YOU WOIMEOWIMOIVMWOIEJ DON'T EIOKMIOWMOVIJJIEJFOI EVEN WOIEJIOQMOIVMIO KNOW JOIMKLRMVEPIOJEOG MKOP[MISIRJIOERMIOFWE! !11!111111**


	12. Chapter 11 real

**I'm so sorry that last chapter wasn't really a chapter, but I felt it was important. I'm also sorry that I haven't posted in so long. I had some writers block, and would come on my document and stare at it for like ten minutes and get one sentence down then give up.**

**But that one comment dragged me back to my fanfiction world, and got me on the ball again.**

**Update on my depression and life and shit: I had a couple really bad relapses but then I started talking to this guy I have known since 6****th**** grade and now were dating and he makes me really happy because I am most definitely in love with him so he's been helping me a lot with my depression.**

**It's hard to be sad while talking to him because he just makes me so damn happy.**

**Anyway, other than my boring love life, I'M BACK! I'm planning on updating more regularly again.**

**Comments: I apologize to berex14. I'm sorry last "chapter" wasn't a chapter, but I felt that I needed to get that out there. Shout out to Deannathefangirl I'm glad someone agrees with me about the attention whore thing, thank you for commenting, your awesome. Please post your Sebastian stories, don't worry about them sucking, I don't believe anyone's story really "sucks" and I would love to read them. If you do end up posting them please pm me the title and I will definitely check them out I love Sebastian stories. **

**Now, LET THE FANFICTION COMMENCE! *cheers and applause* *that one person who does **_**the whistle**_*** *that one person doing **_**the whistle **_**not being me because I am one of those loser people who still can't whistle no matter how hard I try* *bleeping out cusswords sign thing becoming very off topic because I have this very severe diagnosis by my doctor named Mr. Zebra Print Bean Bag that sits in the Corner of my Room that I can't write author's notes without getting distracted with random shit* *oh look a butterfly***

Adalyn burst through the door of the New York institute. She just needed to get out, get away. She didn't pause to gape at the large run-down cathedral she exited, or stop for more than a moment when she squeezed through the gap in between the two large iron gates and into the hustle and bustle of the city.

She pushed and shoved her way through the crowd, feeling the prick of tears in her eyes, but quickly rubbed them away with the back of her hand.

She didn't even know why she was so upset. She had only met him a week ago. He was just a stupid boy, who actually made her feel important and wanted for once, and consoled her at her darkest times, and cared about her more than most people, and earned her trust enough to actually let in, and-

Oh _fuck, _who cared. He was a monster and a liar.

Now the tears were coming too fast to stop them. Her breath came in short gasps and the pieces of her cracked heart wanted to jump outside of her chest. Her legs quivered with exhaustion and her face was hot and blotchy. She stumbled into an alley way away from the people and leaned against a smelly green dumpster.

She rested her head against her arm and waited for her breathe to come back. Everything seemed surreal. The world swirled around her and the colors blended together like a filter in Photobooth. She had stopped sobbing but the tears still silently cascaded down her cheeks, dripping down her chin and splashing in salty puddles on her shirt.

A wave of regret surged through her. She had acted rashly by tearing off out of the building she was in with Sebastian, crashing haphazardly through the city streets and losing her way. She had no money, and no phone, didn't even know what city she was in, and left the only familiar face for thousands of miles behind. She couldn't even backtrack because during her mad dash she had completely left all five of her senses to the dust.

She couldn't remember the last time she had eaten or drank anything, and the lack of consumables was taking its toll on her. She dropped to the ground, curled up in a ball, and closed her eyes, letting the darkness wash over her.

…..

Jace stood shell shocked at Isabel's motionless body. His pale gold eyes were wide, for once his words were locked in his throat. Clary let out a noise like a wounded animal and clumsily lunged toward her dead almost-sister. Tears leaked out of eyes and dripped down her cheeks. She fell to her knees by Isabel's side.

Jace looked up at Sebastian, and his face hardened. His hand went for the seraph blade at his belt, but before he could even light it, Sebastian had twisted his ring and disappeared.

…..

Adalyn dimly felt someone touch her arm. Slowly her consciousness crept back to her and her eyes fluttered open, revealing a sneaker. She rubbed her eyes to try to wipe away the salt that glued her bottom and top eyelashes together. Slowly the bottom of someone's jeans came into view as long with the ground and walls of the allyway.

With effort, she forced her stiff neck muscles to allow herself to lift her head enough to see whose face belonged to the sneaker, and took in an attractive brown-haired guy with a square jaw and gelled up hair.

"Hey," he said. Although his voice wasn't as deep as Sebastian's, it was still rich, with strong undertones of concern. "Are you okay?"

Adalyn laid her head back down on the cold concrete. It helped clear her mind a little bit.

No, she was definitely _not _okay. She opened her mouth to say something, but only a small noise came out. She gave up and closed her eyes again. She was too tired to speak. Her breath still came in rasps, strands of her hair stuck to her cheeks with remnants of tears. Her back was cold with sweat, her shirt scratchy against her skin. Her legs were killing her and her feet felt like there were ten pound weights attached to them.

She felt arms come around her, and suddenly she was airborne. Her head rested against a well-muscled warm chest. She could hear someone's heartbeat underneath the thin cotton shirt. Based on the slight constant rocking, she assumed whoever held her was walking. She let out a thin sigh and drifted back into blissful unconsciousness.

…..

Sebastian had never felt so horrible in his entire life. Even the pain of when Valentine died, or when his sister rejected him, or when Jace was stabbed with Glorious and their connection was broken and he was alone again, could not compare with the crushing sensation that was going on within his chest then. He felt as if someone had a hand gripped firmly around his heart and had wrenched it out of his chest. A lump the size of his fist was lodged in his throat, his stomach was twisted and tied in intricate knots, and he felt as if someone had planted a bomb in his skull and it had just detonated.

Never in his whole life had he felt so much pain.

_Adalyn thinks I'm a monster. Adalyn hates me. Clary was right. She's scared of me. She can't stand me. And I was so close, so damn close. But I ruined it._

He couldn't get her scream out of his mind. He kept replaying her look of utter horror on her face when the dagger slide through Isabel's chest and she fell to the floor. She had turned and ran, and now he had no idea where she was. She could be in danger, she must be hurting, scared maybe, most definitely lost. She probably doesn't even know where she is.

_And it's his fault._

He had been so close to having her. He had never felt the way he felt with her than he felt with anybody else. She was perfect for him, _his only matching puzzle piece, _and he had gone again and fucked it up, like he always does. No wonder everyone hates him.

Adalyn hates him.

The way she looked at him that one day at lunch tore itself across his mind, causing a ripping sensation throughout his whole body so strong he physically shuddered.

A choked sound forced itself out of his throat.

For the first time in his life when he was feeling extreme negative emotion, he didn't want to kill somebody.

Well, that wasn't technically true, he would have been fine killing himself, something he had never before felt or had any desire in the slightest to do.

But other than that, he didn't have any urge _at all _to kill another person. In fact, the thought disgusted him. Killing someone is what turned Adalyn away from him. She didn't want him to kill other people, therefore the impulse wasn't there.

He had no idea where that concept came from. He never really had any regard to what others said or thought. His motto was always _fuck them_...

Until now.

This urge to make Adalyn happy, to want to see her happy, and to have her near him, around him, talking to him, was something very strange and foreign to him. And it now what was eating him inside. He hated it and loved it at the same time. It caused him so much pain.

Sebastian collapsed on his couch and groaned, the pain inside was almost unbearable.

_Adalyn hates me._

That was the thought torturing him.

He rolled over so he was facing down, buried his head in his arms, and drifted off into an unpleasant sleep.


	13. Chapter 12

**I'm so sorry guys! After I posted last chapter I swear I was planning on posting regularly, but I went to work on a chapter for my other fanfiction and keep running all three, like I did last school year. But what I didn't count on was last school year I mainly typed on my phone so I could type whenever, and then I got my phone taken away and would type only on my computer, which I was always on. I didn't count on the fact that now I have my phone and my computer so to type I have to have "Oh yeah, type your fic" come to mind, it would have to be at a time when I had my computer around me, and then I had to have the willpower to get off Instagram and get on my computer. And then when I got on my computer I had to resist the urge to go on tumblr and type. And it just wasn't working.**

**So not that Im back on im going to abandon my other two fics for now, I'll maybe continue them once I finish this one, and only work on this one. Also Im going to type on my phone and then email it to my self and edit it on my computer.**

**Anyway, away from apologies I feel like I post EVERY CHAPTER, I don't know if I told you guys but I moved over the summer and am now in a completely new area, and I've started going to a private school. And I like the program there so much better because writing is a separate class from literature. Last year we hardly ever did any writing, but this year we have a whole class dedicated to it. My writing teacher is AMAZING! I love her, and now that I'm more of learning writing skills. She's really working on having us edit our writing, and she's completely opened my eyes andI've realized that, in my free writing, there are so many run ons and comma splices that it is disgusting. I'm not talking the run ons you had in your literacy text book you had to work on in sixth grade, My brother and I went swimming and it was really fun and we liked swinging from the rope hung from a tree into the pool, my brother liked it best but I really liked it too. I'm talking the goddamn COMMA AND. You cannot have to complete sentences connected by an and without a comma, and you cannot have a complete sentence and a dependent clause connected by a comma and. I mean, I learned that in sixth grade with my amazing English teacher (Mr. Lepetri you are amazing) but it was always with work sheets. I remember being like pshhhh why are you learning this? I know better than to write run on sentences, that's like second grade stuff! But doing it with my own writing is like, a light from the clouds is shining down on my work illuminating the truth I AM A RUN ON WRITER! Ahhhh! So Im going to work on that and she's teaching me really good habits like to edit my shit and when I edit not just look for repeated works or random thes in places they shouldn't be or missing thes, look for RUN ONS!**

**I've had people tell my author notes are funny, and im just like, *nasal voice* heh, thank you, and I'm sorry I have nothing to talk about today but boring grammar. Like who the fuck wants to talk about grammar?**

**THIS KIDDD!**

**I know I'm a nerd. **

**And I know sometimes when theres long authors notes at the beginnings and I want to get to the story im like WHY**

**But idk, maybe you doing give a damn about my story and just want to hear about my life**

**Or maybe you don't give a damn about my life or my story and are just really bored. **

**WRITING, a guide by Lauren: If you can't think of the right word just make one up**

**I should become a youtuber! **

**I honestly don't know where that came from**

**GOD FUCK THIS IS GODDAMN 700 WORDS THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THAT L0NG**

**I'm sorry**

Adalyn yawned and rolled over, the rough blanket scratching her arm. She nestled her head on a flat pillow and breathed in...

That wasn't the smell of her shampoo.

Suddenly everything in the last two days came rushing back at her, the strange people in her house, Sebastian, her wild dash through the streets, and shot up in bed, gripping the sheets.

The room she was in was dark, only a small light sneaking in under the door and through the worn gray curtains, casting strange shadows around. The dark green comforter could have come straight from a motel and the crusty carpet straight from a classroom. It was only the clumps of discarded boys clothes that disclosed she must be in the house of the stranger who picked her up.

A flash of fear tore itself through her mind like a flash flood that didn't leave until she had checked that she was wearing all of her clothes and wasn't injured anywhere, and even then she wasn't completely at peace.

Cautiously she dropped her legs out of the bed and tip tied across the room after checking for booby traps. She creaked the door open a crack and peered outside.

Pale natural light from windows in the living room poured in the short hallway, revealing it empty.

Adalyn sniffed, more from habit than use. Because she didn't smell anything out of the ordinary, she took a step out of the room.

She creeped down the hall and into the living room. The guy from the other day sat on the couch eating cereal.

"Hey" he called to her. "I see a lot of homeless people around and normally don't do much but give a dollar or something, but you looked like you seriously needed help. What drugs were you on?"

Adalyn didn't understand. "I'm not homeless... And I don't do drugs."

He snorted. "That's bullshit. I've seen a lot of crackheads in my life and it's pretty obvious you were on something. As for the homelessness, well usually people with houses don't take naps on the street."

Adalyn didn't respond. She wasn't in the mood for explaining her situation, let alone making him believe it. She hardly believed herself.

"It's okay, I'm not going to report you. I'm not that kind of person." He said and went back to his cereal. Adalyn stayed standing in the doorway. She didn't want to be there; she didn't trust him. After Sebastian there was nothing she put past even the nicest strangers. For all she knew he could have a stash of human meat in his freezer and could at any moment pull out a knife and add her to it.

He ignored her, and even though she was hungry, went back to the room. She wanted to call Ericka so badly. She knew her friend couldn't solve her problems now, yet just hearing her voice and listening to her endless chatter was always a comfort.

Adalyn poked around the room in search of a phone, and quickly found a badly cracked iPhone a few generations old plugged in by the chipped mahogany nightstand. Crossing her fingers, she unplugged it and swiped to unlock the phone, and let out a little squee of excitement in her head – there was no passcode.

She quickly taped the phone app and directed it to the keypad, grateful for that one day in middle school when she decided to memorize her number.

Heart in her throat, she put the phone up to her ear.

It rang once, twice, and Adalyn hoped she would pick up because she knew sometimes her friend didn't answer unknown numbers.

"Hello?" Ericka's voice came through the speaker on the phone, and Adalyn breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Ericka," Adalyn's voice cracked with emotion.

"OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD! Where are you? You weren't at school yesterday, and two nights ago your parents called me to see if you were at my house because they didn't know where you were, they said you disappeared out of your room! Oh my god Adalyn I was so scared, everyone's so scared. Your parents filed a police report. Everyone's looking for you!"

Adayln gulped. "I'm so sorry, the craziest stuff happened, I don't even believe it myself."

"AND WHY DOES THE PHONE SAY YOU'RE IN NEW YORK!"

This came as a surprise to Adalyn. "I'm in New York?"

"Where do you think you are?!" Ericka was the most agitated Adalyn had ever seen her in the whole seven years they'd been friends.

"I… I don't know. Everything's just been so confusing."

"Okay, everything's going to be okay, I'm calling the police – "

"NO!" Adalyn didn't know, but she had a feeling getting the police involved would be a bad idea.

Ericka sounded even more concerned than before. "Why?"

"I… it just seems like a bad idea."

"No, Adalyn, the police will help you, they're going to help you get home. I have a feeling you're not safe where you are." Adalyn agreed with that statement. Between the stranger's house she was in and Sebastian –

Sebastian would get in trouble if the police were called.

"No, it's okay, I'll figure it out."

From all the way across the states, Ericka bit her lip. She trusted her friend, but she also wanted her to be safe. "Adalyn, I don't think…"

"No, I'll be okay. I'll figure it out."

Ericka was torn. "Can you… can you call me if things don't work out?"

"I'll take some change for a pay phone."

"Okay." Ericka had never felt worse about a decision in her life than how bad she felt about this one. "I miss you, be safe."

"I miss you too."

Suddenly the door opened and the stranger walked in. Adalyn spun around, stunned.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" His face was twisted into an angry scowl. Adalyn quickly hung up and dropped the phone, fear twisting her insides.

...

Sebastian had been wandering New York's streets for almost ten hours, and he was exhausted. He didn't even know why, if he really wanted to find her he could just track her. And even if he did find her on the streets, he wouldn't know what to do.

Capturing her and forcing sense into her either with torture or the mortal cup had lost its previous appeal. Something in her horror struck face had shoved some humanity into his heart, whether it was her grief-stricken chocolatey eyes or the disgusted curve of her pale pink lips, he didn't know.

He wanted her to love him happily.

It was a very strange feeling he had never had before. In the past he had wanted Clary to love him, but her happiness never really seemed important. This had a completely different feel. It latched itself on to his heart with its sharp poisonous claws and stole his breath away straight from his throat. Just the thought of her and it would squeeze tighter and take more air. It wasn't at all pleasant, but it made him feel very...

Human.

A cool breeze rushed through the streets, catching in people's hair and coats. Sebastian shoved his hands deeper into his jean pockets and curled his shoulders in around himself. His thin t shirt wasn't doing much to protect him from the harsh temperatures of Manhattan, and he hoped Adalyn was somewhere warm.

His eyelids felt like there was ten pound weights attached to them, and he succumbed to his bodily needs and got a room at the nearest hotel.

…..

**Okay, so I actually had this chapter finished long before I posted it, but the actual chapter part wasn't up to 1,000 words, and I like to keep my chapters at least that long, so it was sitting here on my computer for like two weeks before I got around to adding the Adalyn and Ericka part to make the chapter itself 1000 words. So I have a question for you guys, would you prefer chapters more often, but shorter, or longer chapters, with longer intervals in between?**

**Also, on November 21 my new little brother was born, and I convinced my parents to name him Jonathan Christopher. He's super cute, and if you want pictures you can pm me for my Instagram username. I have pictures on there. **


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